So… I’m trying out some thing new here, which is to liveblog my watching the last 6 episodes of Yu Zheng’s Swordsman. What this means is that I’ll be b*tching about it (and oggling at t3h pr3tteh that is Wallace Huo) as I blitz through (yes, Youtube’s high speed scrub feature is my best friend here) to the end. This is NOT a detailed recap. More like a snapshot/highlights reel of what’s happening and my initial reaction.
This is probably 3 hours of my life that I’ll never get back but -oh well, you only live once. For reference, I’m watching the TV version (because it’s shorter) and that’s what I’ve been following so far. I seldom rewatch the DVD ver (although I’m told the story makes more sense given that the Hunan TV ver has a lot of cuts) but really – since when does Yumama’s story make sense anyway?
And we get a screenshot of Shi Niang here because she’s my favourite female character of the bunch.
So the story so far: Lin Pingzhi (LPZ) is now a blind eunuch who has allied himself with the other blind bats of Songshan (LHC blinded the black-clad assassins from Songshan a while back and Yue Buqun blinded Zuo Lengchan (ZLC) during their duel). He accidentally killed his wife Yue Lingshan (YLS) who jumped in front of Linghu Chong (LHC). LHC and Ren Yingying (RYY) skips off to their own little happy lalaland. Yue Buqun (YBQ) is still an emasculated douchebag (his own doing, again). Somewhere in all this, his long suffering wife Ning Zhongze (NZN/Shi Niang) is the only decent soul left on Huashan. Oh and everyone thinks Dong Fang Bu Bai (DFBB) has died.
So… 3. 2. 1. Start.
YBQ sends someone to invite all of the other sects to come learn the kungfu hidden in the cave on the Cliff of Reflection. NZN realizes what an hypocritical douchebag YBQ is after YBQ refuses to go with her to search for YLS.
Somewhere else, LHC and RYY is playing XAJH, she on the zither and he plays the flute. [Wtferry – We are suddenly in animal kingdom, replete with CGI butterflies? Since when did LHC become a music genius? And in such a short time too! Because if I remember correctly, even Liu Zhuwang and the accountant from Wang Mansion couldn’t play it.] When visiting YLS’s grave, LHC discovered that his unconscious Shi Niang has been caught by Sun Moon Cult members in order to lure YBQ. YBQ shows up. Fight scene – LHC v YBQ! LHC tricks him to the trap that the Cult members set for YBQ.
Oh no! Shi Niang has woken up and hears how her daughter died. So she stabs herself in the stomach. [Sigh – bye bye Shi Niang, you will be missed. At least you don’t see your husband’s ultimate comeuppance. To be honest, given the ahem – creative liberties – Yumama has taken with the story, I wish Shi Niang lived and become the leader of the five sects. Since we are WAY OFF course from canon anyway.] Oh, before I forget, Douchebag declines to even bury his own wife. Serves you right that RYY tricks you into thinking she has poisoned you and blackmails you. Hah!
Stupid cult member got killed and lost their Black Wood Amulet to YBQ. YBQ now plots to use the Amulet (it can command all of the Cult members) against RYY.
LHC and DFBB both pretend to be the Deaf/Mute Grandma traipse around Hengshan. [If we had a couple more running around, we can play Where’s Wally. But – Wallace Huo pretending to be a girl and shaking his hips to RYY – that is deserving of gif, if nothing else.] Errrr… DFBB tries to force LHC to marry her darling little sister, Yi Lin (YL) [Poor Tian Bu Guang. Han Dong. I love you. I love your TBG too. But you really must be more discerning with your roles. Speaking of which, HD and and Deng Sha (who plays YL) were paired-ish in Yumama’s In Love with Power, where Deng Sha’s character had an unrequited love for HD’s Dorgon (who was hung up on Yuan Shan Shan ie RYY here. Yes – Yumama has his favorites). And here, DS won’t give him the time of day. Anyway, I digress] but YL told her that LHC only ever loved YLS, DFBB and RYY; there’s no place in his heart for her.
Some of the jianghu members who joined Hengshan at the behest of RYY allied with YBQ to kidnap the Hengshan nuns to Huashan. And he uses the Amulet to order some Cult members to help. Of course, he’s the kind to tidy after himself so he “settles them” after they get the job done. Don’t worry, the nuns get rescued pretty fast [TBQ sniffs around like a dog, “That is the scent of WOMEN!”.] And everyone learns that its YBQ’s doing.
At Songshan, LPZ plays with his magic-like sword. Haha… LPZ asks ZLC if ZLC plans to practice Bixie Swordplay, which requires ZLC to make THE CUT. And ZLC’s goes “I’m already blind… so, no.” Anyway, they plan to attack Huashan.
So all of the other sects come to the Cliff of Reflection on Huashan to look at the lost kungfu techniques. The Blind Bats come out to attack them. In the darkness, the Bats has an advantage and the attack caused the other sects members to panic and start attacking randomly. Body count rises fast. YBQ hides himself to avoid being hacked to pieces.
LHC comes out and duels against ZLC and LPZ. Obviously our hero wins [He stomps on some bones and some fluorescent thingies came out to light up the cave. Can someone tell me what that was about?!]. He cuts LPZ’s tendons to prevent him from practising kungfu ever again but lets him live.
As LHC and RYY exits the cave, they get caught in a net by YBQ and YBQ TIES THEM TO A TREE. YBQ threatens LHC and LHC laughs to say that everyone must die but at least he gets to die next to the woman he loves [Confused. I thought his OTP was DFBB. Men. Or rather, Yumama. I’m not sure anymore.] So YBQ moves into RYY to get the antidote. LHC manages to break through the bonds and they fight. YBQ tries to guilt trip him by asking, “LHC, are you not going to repay me for raising you?”
Of course, LHC softens for a second, which gives YBQ the advantage. And YL flies out and stabs YBQ. YBQ dies. [Finally!]
LHC and RYY goes to this meeting organized by RYY’s daddy, Ren Woxin (“RWX“). They want the Hengshan nuns to kowtow to RWX. When asked why the other four sects are not in attendance, they realised that well, pretty much everyone’s killed at this point. Hah, they tried to con/force LHC and Hengshan to join the Cult. Of course LHC refuses. That pisses RWX enough that he almost gets a heart attack. He threatens to kill everyone in Hengshan in one month’s time (because RYY asked for mercy, he lets them go and say will go to kill them at Hengshan).