Fangirling Chinese Novels

Wipe Clean After Eating: Chapter 3



How many of my readers like apple? Do you like the Apple or an apple, get my drift, lol? Anyone know French except bongsd:P? This novel is even more funny if you understand Mandarin as the joke is based on similar sounding words. Hence, you need to be careful with the pronunciations or else you may end up being misleading or misled, inadvertently or intentionally:)

Chapter 3: Losing Out

Although the interview process to get hired seems a little bit abnormal, (it is completely abnormal! = =) at least I was successful in gaining employment. As a result, I am very happy and look forward  to start my job soon.

After getting the job, of course the first thing I do is to share the good news with my dear mother. Thinking that once the old lady hears the good news, she will be so ecstatic until she will personally cook a delicious meal to reward me. Unexpectedly, in order to celebrate that she no longer needs to use her life savings to look after me anymore, my mum decides not to cook tonight! Hence, before the sky is dark, she leisurely goes to her mahjong buddy’s house to have dinner as well as play mahjong, Whereas I am left all alone to cook instant noodles to eat at home.

Initially, I think mum will engage in a bloody battle with her mahjong buddies until at least midnight or even overnight but surprisingly she comes back early.  However, the moment she steps into the house, she angrily sits at the dinning table and slams her fist down on the table: “What kind of people are these ah! I am really mad at them!”

I am scared by her roar and started to shiver. Then, instinctively I move over to her side and ask: “Mum, what happened ah? Aren’t you playing mahjong with your buddies? How come you are back so early ?”

“Will you be willing to play mahjong with a person who shows off after winning some money but becomes angry after losing money ah?” Mum finishes talking in a low voice and an expressionless face. Following which, she looks at me with anticipation.

Actually it is like that so no wonder mum came back so early and panting with rage! I shake my head firmly: “Of course, I am not willing la! Who will be willing to play mahjong with such a person ah!” While talking, I gently stroke her back and comfort her: “Mum, don’t be angry. It is not worth your while to be angry over this kind of people!”

Unexpectedly, after my mum listened to my comforting words, her facial expression not only is not calmer, instead is more resentful in glaring at me. She says in a sorrowful and hurtful tone: “Even you are not willing, so no wonder they are not willing to play with me ah.”

I: “…… = =”

As it turns out, the person with the unsporting behaviour is actually you ah! My dear mother, what else can I say?

On a sunny morning, my long-awaited working life has finally started so I change into my one and only suit which I wore during the interview. Before leaving home, mum did not forget to give me a few pointers: “In the company, you must behave gently and friendly. Try to foster a good relationship with your colleagues, especially the male colleagues. It will be good if you can bring back a boyfriend to let me see as early as possible. Aunt Liu’s elder son is still waiting for my response ah! ”

My whole body starts to tremble and immediately my head is very painful. Mum, you still have not given up hope on match making me with Aunt Liu’s elder son Xu Jin Song ah!? Aiya …… It seems that before I find a boyfriend, she will not give up on Xu Jin Song, this big tree!

I catch the seven thirty bus which is during the rush hour. Thus, the inside of the bus is hot and stuffy, crowded with people that it can even flatten a fat person to become thin. When I finally arrive and get off the bus, my hair has become messy. However, there is no time for me to comb my hair, before I go into the building.

When I arrive at the company’s personnel department, a forty years-old middle-aged uncle looks at me and asks: “I am Liu Rong, the head of the department here, may I know who you are?”

I quickly smile: “Hello,  supervisor Liu. I’m here to report myself for my first day at work!”

“Oh.” he nods his head in understanding. Then, he says with certainty: “You should be the new cleaner.”

Immediately, my face turns black. Hey, are you blind or what ah? Do I really look like a cleaning lady?

Keeping in check my discontentment, I politely say: “My name is Xia Ye, who is the new secretary to the general manager.”

“Are you really the general manager’s secretary?” Immediately, supervisor Liu is astonished and size me up once again from head to feet and again from the feet to head. It seems the more he looks, the more confused he becomes and finally he mutters: “How can leh? The general manager’s former secretaries have all been very pretty ah!”

I am angry. What does this mean! Am I not pretty, not pretty!? (To observe a moment of silence for you. = = )

“Ah! Miss Xia, please come with me. I’ll take you around to familiarize yourself with the company!”

Obviously, he saw my darken face,  so supervisor Liu quickly changes the subject. Okay lah, consider you quick-witted.

After, bringing me to walk one round and getting familiar with everything, supervisor Liu starts to tell me the daily job responsibilities of a secretary to the general manager.  Lastly, he brings me to a desk situated outside the general manager’s office.

Supervisor Liu with his business-like look, asks: “Miss Xia, you are going to work here.  You’ve remembered what I’ve just said, right?”

I nod my head repeatedly: “Yes, I have remembered them!”

He nods his head with satisfaction: “Then, start doing your work now.  If you have any need or question, come and look for me anytime.”

After saying that, he turns around and leaves. After, he left my line of vision, I quickly sit down in front of my desk. When I look at my own office equipment, I feel very excited. The desktop feels so cool and smooth, and also smells like sandalwood incense. I am sure I will feel cool and comfortable sleeping on it. (Can’t your brain think of something else = =) This chair should be made from leather, right? Also, this computer ……

“Beep beep ……”

Suddenly, the sound of a sharp and clear ringtone frightens me. I find out that the sound comes from the phone, so I quickly answer it: “Hello! This is the general manager’s office, I am ……”

“Come in.” That refined and pleasant to hear voice sounds very familiar. Oh, it is the voice of my current boss.

I quickly get up and open the door to go into his office. Lu Jun is being buried behind a stack of files.  The top two buttons on his shirt are opened,  so you can see a little bit of his firm and muscular chest. His fine and thick eyelashes cover his black and bright eyes. He seems to look a bit like a cultured scholar. I don’t really want to admit this, but when he is working seriously, he looks very elite and charming.

I am a little nervous when I step forward a few steps and ask softly : “General manager, what do you want me to do?”

Lu Jun only raises his head after signing a document in his hand and looks at me: “Xia Ye, do you know French?”

Immediately, I feel a little ashamed and shake my head lightly: “No……”

He smiles and nods his head: “It is good that you don’t know.”

I: “…… ?”

He smiles at me gracefully and suddenly asks again: “Then, how are you placed with your work today?”

At this moment, I am even more ashamed: “This, I have not started yet …… I will go and do them right away!”

He shakes his head: “No need.” While talking to me, he takes a piece of paper from the printer, gives it to me and instructs me: “Stop all your other work first. Your task for this morning is to recite from memory the French on this piece of paper. I have helped you to translate them into Chinese in accordance to the pronunciations. After you have memorized them,  go to the cafe opposite the office at two o’clock.  Then, you recite it fluently to the guest on table number 13.”

I take the paper and and look at it. One paragraph of hard to pronounce Chinese is printed on it. Suddenly, I recall an incident in the past. When I was in high school, the teacher wanted us to recite an English essay. I also translated that into Chinese sounding words to bluff my way through! (Why she sounded so proud of herself? = =)

When I am about to nod my head, I suddenly realize I’ve a question: “That …… general manager, when supervisor Liu told me about my daily job responsibilities just now, I don’t think the task you wanted me to do is included in my job responsibilities ……”

“Well …… ” Lu Jun gracefully rests his chin in his hand and ponders for a while, then looks at me and an idea struck his mind: “This task will be considered your additional workload and you will be rewarded on its successful completion.”

When I hear this, I am very surprised.  My eyes light up instantly: “Really? What kind of reward?”

He blinks and suddenly asks: “Yes, what kind of mobile phone are you using now?”

I am somewhat at a loss and reply: ” Nokia 6300, so?”

“Oh, such an old model la.” He raises his eyebrows and sighs.

I suck up to him at once and agree: “Yes ah, yes ah!”

Big Boss Lu who looks calm and unruffled, nods his head and says something which makes me feel very excited: “Well, the reward …… will be Apple’s third generation la.”

See, see, what is being generous? This is what is called generosity! Worthy to be called the leader of a large company. Worthy to be a well-off capitalist ah! Give such a stylish reward casually to a little employee!

With such a rich reward as the driving force, my enthusiasm for this surpasses by far my high school days of reciting English essays. For the whole morning, I muster all my strength and immerse myself in reciting hard. Finally, I manage to memorize and recite fluently this mouthful of Fench before two o’clock.  According to Big Boss’s Lu’s instruction, I arrive on time to the cafe across the office. Then, I see the guest who is sitting on table No. 13 is a real eye-popper. Such a beautiful French beauty ah! Can she be the company’s foreign customer?

I keep staring at her soft blonde hair and green eyes. When I see her returning my stare unhappily, I quickly recover my  composure and smile politely at her.  Then, I sit down on a chair across from her and recite fluently those French words I’ve committed to memory.

Unexpectedly, after listening to me, she glares at me and says something which I can’t understand loudly and rapidly. She seems very angry. I am puzzled, can it be me that I have recited some parts wrongly?

Before I have time to understand what is happening, the French beauty suddenly stands up and angrily storms out of the cafe.

Suddenly, I tense up.  I am finished, finished. It is unlikely I have offended this foreign customer, right? It is okay if my salary is deducted as a result of this. But if I get expelled on my first day at work, my mother will strangle me! Thinking about this, I quickly get up and want to give chase, but is stopped by a waiter: ” Excuse me Miss, you’ve not paid your bill yet.”

I have no other option but to take out money to pay for the French beauty’s drink. It costs 99 yuan, what kind of coffee is so expensive ah!

I feel uneasy about this and return to the office. I report the situation at that time to the general manager right away. I am prepared to beg for forgiveness.  However, never in my wildest dream will I think, not only he does not blame me, but smiles at me and keeps nodding his head in approval.

I look at his relief expression gloomily and can’t help secretly crticising him for being eccentric in my heart!

After all, I’ve done my duty. I am over the moon and beaming with joy when I look at big boss Lu who seems to be glittering brightly.

“General manager, where is the reward you promised me?”

“Oh, it is ready.” Big boss Lu actually keeps his promise. He looks calm and nods his head. Then, slowly he takes out three bags of bright red apples from behind his desk. He gives me a very gentle smile and says: “Well, this is the reward I promised you, so take it la.”

I: “……”

This is truly genuine three bags of apple ah! (In Chinese, bag and generation are pronounced as ‘dai’. When Big Boss Lu said apple 3 dai, he meant apple 3 bags but Xia Ye heard, Apple 3G.) In the morning, when he asked me what type of mobile phone I use, he deliberately misled me to misunderstand, right? But what can I say ? After all, although he mentioned about the mobile phone before, he did not explicitly say how it will be related to my reward. It is my own understanding that the mobile phone will be my reward!

I wasted countless brain cells memorizing and reciting French ah. Also, the 99 yuan coffee money which I paid ah. This scoundrel who bullies the staff and exploits ordinary civilians, such a scoundrel ah !

59 thoughts on “Wipe Clean After Eating: Chapter 3

  1. This is so funny! Obviously, Xia Ye’s brain cells are working on a different wavelength from Lu Jun’s. Her expectations are so way out, that’s why it is easy for him to trick and mislead her. I’m just wondering what her boss made her say in French that made the beauty angry.

    • Haha, you can infer that he probably got her to say something along the time of him breaking up with her or rejecting her to elicit such an angry response fr her.

      I’ve not downloaded from himalaya b4 so I don’t know how to use it. Wait till I consult xiaoyuer. You can copy the Chinese text into google translate & get it to read them out to you. Very tedious & boring compared to the audiobooks as they are being read by robot. If you are willing to pay a bit of money you can use other robotic software to read to you.

  2. huh that’s why I didn’t get the joke. But it’s still funny. 😀

    • This is a good example of something lost in translation. Hence, it is best to read the original. Hint Hint, for you to learn Chinese:P Or the shortcut is consult me, lol.

  3. Haha, I know which story is this :v A funny one ar ^^
    Hey, every body says that the female lead is a “little white rabbit”, but I see she’s so smart and very sharp with her tounge, lol. I still remembered how hard I laughed reading this story for the first time 😀

    • So, you like this story enough to support me, lol? Your 2nd most loved story after SS, lol?

      She is a bit of a rabbit bcos she is scared of her mum & the boss but sometime she is also quite brave.

      • I kinda like it ^^ and will come to support you, but 2nd most loved story after SS? No, lol.
        SS’s special and irreplaceable, so this story is not even close 😛

        So, people called her rabbit ‘cuz she’s scared of her mum and her boss? That’s weird, haha =)) SS’s the true and adorable little white rabbit ar ^^ It’s reflected in her way of thinking ❤

        • Oh, ya, I forgot abt your sheep sheep lol. Then this story is 3rd? Of course no novel can replace your SS, lol.

          That is my interpretation bcos Xiao Ye doesn’t really think like a rabbit. She is pretty savy & sharp.

        • Truth to say, this story will not be at the top of my fav list ^^ It’s hard to explain why, just depends on each other’s taste. But let’s make a little compare. I love SS, right? And I see that SS is so funny and adorable. But GM’s writing style is just like that. She has a really delicate and cute way of writing that is really easy to make people laugh. And she writes the humor so smoothly – I can say that it’s natural for her to do so, just like her style. But this author ^^ I find that she is trying to make people laugh with every words she writes. I did laugh, but I won’t remember this story, as well as the meaning behind it. Actually, I find that she just write this story for fun – even the romance part is not really deep or anything. It just… happens because it needs to 😀

          Something like that ^^ Hoho, I’m blabbering things in such a roundabout way… *embarrassed*

        • Hey, are you supporting or stepping on my story? Give some face & don’t bash the book so harshly la:P Of course it can’t measure up to SS but it is still entertaining. I laughed from beginning to end, didn’t get bored or wanna abandon the book. The length is just right, not draggy and the language is simple for me to translate. See, the book is not so bad:P I asked for your 2nd fav funny book after SS but you didn’t tell me:(

        • Haha, please. I don’t dislike this story. Actually, I kinda like it 😀 it’s just you compared it with SS and I have stand up to protect my SS, right =)) Hey, even if I dislike it, but still come and support you… That tells how much I love you, right? lol
          Arghhh, it’s hard to choose which is my 2nd fav book. =”= Sheep Sheep is one, maybe. Another book named “大神,我養你”. I love GM’s Wei Wei too. Ah, and the Pillow Book, haha. Tons of them, really 😀

          • I think you like all the online game novels which I never read except Wei Wei. Do you play online game? Pillow book is excluded bcos I am asking for modern novel:P

          • Haha, no. It’s just a coincidence that the fav books which I mentioned are all online game. I do love games, and I’ve read many game online novels, but I just love those three stories ‘cuz it’s so simple and adorable. The female leads there are my type which sure is a bonus that makes those stories remarkable for me. 😀

            Recently I’ve just read a military novel, which called: “嗨,军嫂” by 暗夜流星 and fell in love with it ^^ It’s so adorable and realistic at the same time. Both the male and female leads are cute and their love are so realistic. ❤

            I've also remembered another one: 船到桥头自然直 by 抽风的漠兮, this story is funny. The female might be a little unbelievable, but the way the author explains it make it understandable 😀 It's nice.

          • Heehee, beside Shan Shan, I don’t think we’ve anything else in common:P I don’t like online game or books base on it:( Probably bcos you are simple & adorable so you like those books:)

            Military novel? I don’t think I’ve read any b4. The guy is in the army? Oh, I listened to one b4, quite a boring job unless in combat but that is dangerous, lol.

            I read 船到桥头自然直 by 抽风的漠兮 before. I find it okay since the female lead is sick but Xinn a frequent reader in SSB hates the book. Well, diff ppl has diff taste!!!

          • Yeah, I know that the job in army is kinda boring yet dangerous. They also have to face lot of difficulties in their daily lives. But maybe that’s why most of military novels are heart-warming (I dont really know, but the stories I’ve read sure are :D).

            Really, Xinn hates the book? Actually I just find the book ending is quite quick and not satisfying. However, the book are good overall, and I think it’s very funny 😀 That is the only book of that author I’ve read 😀

          • Yes, Xinn hates it, you can check out her comment in the bar. I nearly has to call the police to prevent her from causing trouble at the bar, lol. I find her brother is weird. Actually I didn’t finish. I gave up after 50 chapters:(

            I like heart-warming but must come with funny, happy & interesting, lol.

          • Haha, I find the brother weird too =)) I just love the way the story develops and the female lead 😀 The brother is all mighty and cocky which is really not unfair for the female lead 😀

            Actually, we have the same taste/ demand in books, but why do we like different books? =))

          • I don’t share the same love as you for that book, lol. We are same yet different, lol. You like heart warming books but I need my leads to be funny & cute.

  4. Haha so funny peanuts thanks for the chapter 3:) i will wait patiently the chapter when they will fall in love hihi:)

  5. I wanna know what French word she said to the French woman LOL probably the girl chased after Lu Jun for a long time so he use Xia Ye to make her pissed. Anyway the apple joke was fun, another bully lead man, i like this a lot hahaha. Thank you ^^

    • You are welcome. We can only infer as I think bcos the author doesn’t know French so she can’t write what Xia Ye said:P The story is told from Xia Ye’s point of view so there is not way to find out since she can’t read French. Ya, another big bully boss:P

  6. xD to be teased in such a way… Can’t wait for the next chapter. *-*

  7. LOL, i can imagine her face when her boss give her the apple XD
    Don’t worry, later he’s definitely will give you Apple Iphone Xia Ye :p

  8. Peanuts, I’ve learnt a new term – mustard scene. Just wondering, why “yellow” and “mustard” for the XXX scenes. Decembi, Xinn, Seoul In Love etc and you used it when you were all discussing the Big Grey Wolf series.

  9. hahaha. very funny novel. love it so far. thanks for the speedy translations.

  10. Great job, peanuts. I listened ahead because I couldn’t stand waiting for the translations. I know; I’m so impatient. I’m on Chapter 38, almost to the finish line! Overall, I am enjoying the story and think it’s pretty funny. Lu Jun is such a prankster. But there is one thing that bothers me.


    I don’t like how the author makes fun of how “ugly” Xia Ye is through Lu Jun, the neighbor kid, and Manager Wang’s mouths. The jokes on Xia Ye’s unattractive looks are sort of mean, especially when Lu Jun, who is suppose to be in love with Xia Ye, says them, even though he means his words as jest. It makes Lu Jun appear insensitive. In fact, I don’t think Xia Ye is that bad looking. She probably is pretty, or else, she wouldn’t attract Lu Jun and her ex-boyfriend’s interests.


    • OMG Mel, you are truly impatient to search high & low for the novel. Next time I gonna translate a book which has not been posted in SSB, then see how you can find it, muahaha – an evil grin from peanuts. Actually, there is no spoiler for this book as the story is fairly typical. The fun bits are the interactions and conversations.

      Haha, I also don’t think Xia Ye is that ugly but the running joke is her ugliness, lol. Maybe, she looks different. Some ppl are pretty in a strange way, not the classic beauty. Or she needs make-up.

      • Yes, I’m very very impatient. Next time, translate a wuxia novel. I have a hard time listening and understanding those without the English translation as reference. 😀

        Actually, I don’t think Xia Ye is pretty in a strange way. She probably is pretty in a classic, conventional way, but I bet her idiosyncratic personality makes her different and others use her kooky nature as the butt of their jokes. In fact, I think men tease her about her “ugliness” because they like her. It’s like grade school all over again. The boys will only tease and “insult” the girls they have an interest in and leave the ones they are not interested in alone. Of course, her kookiness is also what attracts Lu Jun (and her ex-boyfriend). I also kind of like that reproductive medicine specialist she went on a matchmaking date with, but so far, there is no further mention of him. I bet if he spent more time with Xia Ye, he would like her quirky personality, too, and would make a great love rival for Lu Jun.

        • Wuxia? Bye Bye Mel, you need to go to decembi, xiayuer & hamster for them bcos my Mandarin is as crappy as you, lol. Btw o dyou want to try translating a chapter or more as my guest translator to spread the love & burden around, lol?

          Yaya, I also like that doctor. Too bad, the author is not writing anymore or else I wish she’ll write a book on the doctor as well as Lu Jun’s little brother. I am a bit confused with the doctor. Did Lu Jun send him to the match-making? Btw the ending is rather abrupt bcos there is supposed to be a longer physical book version but I don’t know for whatever reason it is not published so we are stuck with the incomplete online version. Maybe the book will be printed later.

        • What is it with you and expecting all the main female characters to be pretty to attract men? What if the author meant for her not to be pretty at all, but still attract men with her other quirks? What is wrong with being attracted to personality instead?
          You said the same thing about Mo Sheng as well…

  11. Thank you so much!
    Will be waiting patiently for the next chapter.

  12. The Apple story is funny. Looking forward to next chapter.. Thanks for this new book

  13. hahaha

    apple 3rd generation!!

    Oh my, Peanuts, you should add a warning not to read this in public because I burst out laughing.

    Thanks for introducing a new genre of C-novel to me – thus far i’ve only known wuxia and really horrible weepy stuff.

    • I did put a warning but you just didn’t read it:P I wrote this in the intro for chapter 2: “But a word of warning, read it in public at your own risk:P”

      Haha, you are welcome. You had your entree, main course so I am serving you dessert now, lol.

  14. My fave part of a meal – DESSERT!!

    Yay for Peanuts

  15. Translation of chi novels into English feels like they lost their essence…..if u Actually read novels in Chinese u will realise how great the difference is.

    • Reading the English translation is making me cringe.

      • i read your comment bcoz of your name drew my attention…. but… T.T
        i think everyone here that don’t understand chinese realize the fact that the context and essence might lost in translation, but the translators here did their best to make sure they reduce it, and work hard in translating these novel for free. if we, the non-chinese speaker can read chinese, of course we will grab the first hand text/audiobook.

        ps: i had nothing against you, i just want to stand up for our translators eventhough i know you probably won’t read my reply. have a nice day, peace!!

  16. My Mandarin is not up to scratch so i enjoy the English translations tremendously and appreciate the work (and love) that the translator puts into it.

    I do understand what you mean between the difference in the Chinese original and English translation – which i believe arises from the difference grammar and syntax of the languages.

    Whilst I can’t read Mandarin very well, I can understand quite a bit of spoken Mandarin and speak it (badly) with others who are fluent in Mandarin but not English. So I’m comfortable with and aware of both language’s grammar and syntax.

    Maybe that’s why i don’t cringe at the English translation.

    Any translation always involves a compromise between translating for meaning and translating literally.

    One last affirmation – I am so grateful to all translators of any works into a language i can understand – it opens up my reading world allowing me to experience different types of thought and writing. Thank you.

    • Well said, Petunia. My thoughts exactly. The difficulty in translation arises mainly from syntactic differences between two very distinctive languages like Chinese and English. Although nothing can beat the essence of the original text, I have come across many very beautifully translated works in English which have managed to capture the lyrical and poetic beauty of its original texts in Mandarin. Whenever this happens, I often wonder who I actually admire most – the writer, or the translator? I feel that the translator has a doubly difficult job. Whilst the writer is able to express his ideas in her own native language, the translator has to translate the writer’s ideas and expressions in the root language in a manner that reflects those ideas as accurately as possible and at the same time, present them in a smooth, coherent flow in the other language. She has to handle two languages simultaneously, and skilfully. Anyway, to cut it short, I admire and respect BOTH – writer and translator. Their works have given me many many hours of pleasurable reading, and allowed me to keep my sanity in times of boredom, angst, depression etc etc.

      Like you, I am also grateful to all translators whose hard work and passion has enriched and broadened my reading scope. Hurrah for Peanuts, decembi, hui3r, koala and etc etc…..please don’t be offended if your names are not mentioned here because I’m a newbie who is still trying to find her way around your blogs and identify who are the “landlords” and “tenants”!

      If there is any dissatisfaction and complaints about crappy translation, it is with reference to google translation which really sucks. Nothing to do with human translators!

      Erm…whoever is able to read Chinese (unlike bananas like me) does need not to read any English translation which makes her cringe, right? Unless she’s also referring to google translation!

  17. i even read/listen Google Translate when i’m desperate.

    my dirty little secret … ssshhhh

    • Me too, me too! Hoping that what I listen can compensate for what I have missed in reading, and what I read can make up for what I have missed while listening.

  18. Lol!! Xia Ye needs to borrow or buy a brain from somewhere, if not at this rate she will get sold a thousand times and she wouldn’t even know hehehe

    I can’t believe she didn’t go to Baidu to look up the meaning of what she was asked to memorize and recite hehehe

  19. Lol the leads’ interactions are hilarious.
    Thank you, peanuts~

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