Fangirling Chinese Novels

Turning Back Time (若只如初见) – Chapter 3



At the end of the day, we have to learn to let go.

Chapter 3

The wine bottle was empty. I put down the bottle and looked at the clock. It was ten thirty already. I went back to the kitchen to take another bottle of wine. Actually, I should not have drank so much. I have a low alcohol tolerance. What if I babble nonsense in front of him? I do not want that to happen. That would be too embarrassing. I am a strong and confident woman. I am determined to keep up my image at whatever cost. Even if the whole world has collapsed, I will still stand on top of the ruins and hold my head high.

How would he think of me, what would he say, I no longer care. He is no longer my husband. In the past, my whole heart was with him, my eyes only looked at him, my ears only listened to his words. Now that we have divorced, my status of a servant has been elevated to a general. I am relieved.

The TV host asked Wen Qian about her first date with her first love. She vaguely answered that it was in the school. I suddenly thought, where did I have my first date with Cheng Rui?

I remembered that it was at a noodle shop in the corner. It was summer. Against the setting sun, the two of us sat inside the small and stuffy shop and ate our beef noodles, sweating profusely. Cheng Rui was a big and unfriendly boy that time. “Missy, you have the time in the world but I rely on myself to earn my keep at night. You can play, but please let me off!”

I grinned from ear to ear, “Do you want another bowl of iced green bean soup?”

He looked troubled. His dignity and appetite were in a battle but he finally chose to abandon his dignity for the bowl of iced green bean soup.

That was our beginning, a poor and young boy who got together with an innocent and young girl. Their story began like any romantic young couple out there. I was attracted to him just by hearing him sing love songs. He was attracted to me just by watching me busy in his small kitchen. At that time, no one would have thought that after many years later, two weary adults would sit down on a table to sign a legal paper titled ‘Divorce Agreement’.

Many couples can go through thick and skin together, but not all can enjoy the fruit of their labour together.

The doorbell rang. I jumped up, quickly hid the wine bottle and hurriedly rinsed my mouth before opening the door.

Behind the door was actually Yue Ru jie, Cheng Rui’s manager.

It was half past ten, not early anymore. I rushed to the kitchen to make her a cup of lemon tea. When I went out, she was holding and looking at the photo that I threw at the corner earlier on. She said, “You are very cold-hearted once you make the determination to do something.”

I shrugged, “Otherwise, how would you call that determination.”

She took the cup, and started persuading me.

“Everything will turn for the better. You thought that you have reached a dead route, but who knew there would still be a door hiding behind the dark? Both of you will regret for making such a hasty decision.

I asked, “What is happening outside?”

She snickered, “I’ve switched off all my phones but if both of you intended to occupy the headlines, then you all have succeeded. ”

I am a little tired striking this conversation, “Even if you want to help us patch up, you can’t help much now. There are so many people divorcing these days. Why can’t we get a divorce?”

Look, how interesting. When ordinary citizens get a divorce, they would say that it is nothing. Look at how many celebrities are divorcing now. When we get a divorce, we would say that so many people are divorcing, us getting a divorcing is nothing.

Yue Ru jie looked at me, her eyes filled with regret and sympathy. She is a very nice person, just like my big sister. Cheng Rui’s success was partly attributed to her. The both of us are very grateful for her, but she cannot save our marriage.

Finally she said, “There is no room for forgiveness?”

I lowered my head.

“He loves you. I am very sure of this. Those rumours outside, you know, it is for the sake of hype. I know that you feel stressed, but the pressure on him is not small either. I hope you can be more considerate and understand him.”

I laughed, “I have been considerate for six years already.”

“After this period…” she said.

“I heard the same words for six years. When he was not popular, I had to wait for him to be popular. When he was popular, I had to wait for him to be even more popular. I got married but I felt like I didn’t get married at all. I have seen through it already. The only time when we will be able to lead a normal and good life would be when he retires. How long would that be? Ten years? Twelve years?”

Yue Ru jie sighed, “Which singer can be popular for twenty years now?”

“So what? We are pursuing different things in life now. I am a simple woman. I just want a lover who can accompany and stay by my side.”

“Just give him more time,” Yue Ru jie asked earnestly, “You have come so far. It wasn’t easy, why give up now?”

“He is my husband, but he does not belongs to me. I already knew that he belongs to everybody but I wanted to have him. Now I will return him back to everyone.”

Yue Ru jie was very anxious, “Do you know that everybody out there is saying that you want to get a divorce because you are having an affair?”

I’m tired, really tired. Let them say what they want to say. This world is too noisy, too complex. Five years have passed, but I am still unable to live here. I will give up my Siren and go back to my ship.

For the past year, we had little to talk about. We rarely met each other. There was many times where I could only flip the newspaper to know about his whereabouts. None of my friends was in this city. After I finished work, the house and books were my only companions. Sometimes, I even feel that I do not have a husband. I do not know what does marriage means.

When we are finally reunited, I would ask him, “How are you?” He would ask me, “How are you?”

How pathetic. We had become so distant and unfamiliar.

Yue Ru jie continued to harp, “It would be better if both of you had a child.”

She is really a good person.

Yue Ru jie got up to leave. I did not ask her to stay nor did I offer to send her off. She walked to the door, looked back and said, “I admire your courage.”

It took courage to marry him. Leaving him this time also required courage. I have nothing but guts in me. Actually, she should think it this way; after the divorce, I will become a rich woman who owns a house, car and jewelleries. I am still young and a woman like me would be the ideal partner for many men. If she thought it that way, then she would not think that I am in an unfavourable position. But she did not think it this way. That was why I said she is a good person.

The clock struck eleven. The house was empty again. She came and left while I stayed behind.

I was waiting for my lover to come see me for one last time. The feeling was different this time. I did not feel relaxed like how I used to be when we dated. In the past, whenever we met, I turned into a little girl who liked to snuggle into his embrace. But now, I am so scared to even catch a glimpse of him, for fear that I would fall into a deep abyss of flames.

I love him that much.

I took a shower, continued to drink wine. The television began to broadcast a typical anti-revolution drama revolving around city life. I switched off the television and played his songs.

“Do not say forever”

We really cannot say forever.

If I must say what feelings I have for this girl named Zhen Zhu, I really have no idea on what to say.

She is young, pretty and ambitious. She knows what she wants the most. She is initiative, positive and willing to work towards improvement. I am just like a turtle, crawling slowly as she overtook me. It was only then I realised how much I have aged.

How we first met was the most awkward moment of my life. They were kissing each other – Zhang Rui and her.

The house was overwhelmed with the smell of alcohol, the bottles scattered around the ground and the balloons were hung everywhere. There were only the two of them in the house. Today was a celebration to mark the good sales of his album. And I was late, so I was just in time to see this scene.

I stood in the open doorway, watched the two of them fell down on the sofa, caressing each other as if there was no one. The girl wrapped her arm tightly over my husband’s shoulder. I was stunned, and stood rooted to the ground. It was as if my feet were nailed to the floor, causing me to not move a single inch.

I knew what I was doing was not right. I should not have peeped at my own husband, and the more I should not have peeped at a half-dressed woman.

I quickly left, but accidentally kicked a beer bottle. Cheng Rui chased out, tugging up his clothes as he shouted for my name. I ran away like I was a rabbit being chased by a hunter. I ran to the station, hopped onto a coach and went to another city. I hid in my friend’s house for half a month.

Cheng Rui did not look for me. He went abroad to do publicity for his album.

Indeed, forever did not exist in this world.

Our relationship completely broke down – we hardly spoke to each other but no tears were shed during this journey. And then we got a divorce.

My marriage.

I finished drinking the third bottle of wine.

But I have never blamed or resented Cheng Rui. He has always been a wanderer. To be able to be his wife for so many years shows that at least, the woman that he loves the most is still me.

But I can also make a choice.

There was a sound of the doorknob unlocking. The person I have waited had come.

This man is always so handsome and his gestures are still as graceful.

He and I went into the bedroom. I pointed at the wardrobe and said, “I don’t know how many clothing you want to take with you so I packed only the clothes that you often wear.”

He opened the wardrobe and first took out the sweater that I knitted for him. I was on the brink of my tears and turned my head away from him.

“Take your time to pack. I will sleep first.” I went into the other room.

The guest room was well maintained and comfortable. I lay on the bed, stared blankly at the ceiling. Who am I lying to? I am definitely going to suffer from insomnia tonight.

I felt discomfort in my stomach because of the alcohol I drank earlier on. I was in pain and felt giddy, but I could not fall asleep. I got up and started groping in the dark to look for the bottle of sleeping pills. I poured two pills out and headed towards the kitchen to pour water. Cheng Rui’s voice sounded at this time, “Alcohol plus sleeping pills. Unless you do not want to live anymore.”

I almost forgot that these two things could not be used together.

I threw the pills in the trash, took a stool and sat down. Cheng Rui took a bottle of milk from the refrigerator and heated it in the microwave.

“You don’t have to bother about me,” I said, “Just leave if you have finished packing.”

He sighed, “Look at how you look like now, like a ghost.”

“There is no dead person, only living ghost.” I said.

“How can I not be worried when you are like that?”

I laughed. I heard the biggest joke. “Worried? You are only worried now?” Then where have you been all this while?

The microwave beeped and the cup of milk was ready. He brought the cup over and cautioned me to be careful of the hot milk. He placed it near my hands, but I did not touch it.

What I need is not a cup of hot milk.

“Let’s talk,” He said, “What do you want? What must I do to get your forgiveness?”

“Forgive you for what?”

“Zhen Zhu and I. I went out of control that time.”

I sighed, “If you are talking about the woman, then I am not angry about that matter. It is just that I am tired of this kind of lifestyle. What is point of staying together but being so courteous with each other? To spend my life sharing you with your ambition, I do not want that.

He was silent, looked very tired.

“Can you give up on your career? Willingly? No. By the time when you are old and start to think about the past, you will be filled with regrets and blame me. I cannot guarantee that I am strong enough to shoulder that. I am just a woman.”

“Dan Xin, why do you have so many requests?”

“A woman who only wants her husband to stay by her side after dinner everyday is not making a request.”

He stared at me. Not many women can resist him under his gaze.

“Dan Xin, the woman I love, from the beginning until now, has always been you only.”

Then he lowered his head. A moist sparkle shined at the corner of his eyes.

This, I believe. But love is not enough to sustain a marriage. Two people are required to maintain the family. No matter how well I recite my monologue, I can never be the Best Actress.

If he does not want to give up, then I will give up. Take a step backward, and everybody will have a better choice.

I could not bear to look at him anymore, “You can go now. I’m just depressed. I promise that nothing will happen to me.”

He stared hard back at me, “Dan Xin, do not joke!”

Really. When I joke, people take it seriously. But when I start to tell the truth, no one wants to believe.

I felt really dizzy but I decided to stand up and walked towards the window. It was late at night, but there were still many cars driving on the road. Because the sky was cloudy, I could not see any stars. I felt very disappointed.

Cheng Rui came behind me, “Dan Xin, why don’t…” I raised my hand to stop him. I did not want to sum up the reason why our marriage failed with him.

He did not say anything and continued to stand behind me.

I took the wedding ring from my pocket and placed it in his hands. “To keep or to throw, you decide. I don’t safe keep valuable items here.”

He lowered his face.

I turned away to face the window again.

After a long period of silence, he knew that I did not want to speak to him anymore. He finally moved and lifted his luggage.

I heard the doorknob turned. I felt like my heart was being ripped apart. My tears began running down. Bidding farewell has always been a sentimental and painful affair.

He stood at the doorway, but was not in a hurry to leave. “Dan Xin, I am leaving…”

The doors finally closed.

I slowly knelt down and cried silently against the glass window.

I will miss him for a long time, but I do not want to spend my time and love on waiting anymore.

I remembered the first time I met him. A young man jumped down from the stage like he had descended from the heaven. The bright fire shined on my eyes and merged together as iridescent clouds.

If only time could stop at the moment when we first met.


Cheng Rui has always placed his ambitions as his first priority. He has never put in any effort to sustain the marriage, even when he knew it was coming to an end. I am glad Dan Xin didn’t circle herself in hatred, because that would make her an unhappy person. Letting go, was the best solution and the happiest ending for her.

I like the ending, it is a satisfactory one to me. They could never get back together. Cheng Rui is now a celebrity, who has been used to the glam and all, and will not let go of it. Dan Xin is still the same woman as she has always been, a normal girl who uses all her energy and life to love.

Thank you for joining me in this journey and for appreciating the beauty of this story. I am so happy that you guys enjoyed reading TBT. ❤

Author: cloudandsea

I'm a littletvaddict.

76 thoughts on “Turning Back Time (若只如初见) – Chapter 3

  1. Thanks so much cloudandsea!
    It is a very beautiful story, very sad but also uplifting – Dan Xin really is brave and able to make hard choices. Their love story was so beautiful with sweet innocent romance and so much hopefullness but alas things don’t always work out…

  2. Thank you for your translation. I really enjoyed it. I was so touched and I agree sometimes to love is also knowing when to let go and be happy alone. Looking forward to more of your translation project..

  3. Yes.That’s perfect ending.I totally agreed Dan xin decision. If I were her I will do the same thing.She love him As much as she can. Even she still love him there’s no point for her to suffer that kind of awful rumors. She is still the best for her.She give him so many chance in this year but he can’t.So for her there’s no regard for whole thing b’coz she love him with her whole life all this time. Ofcouse divorce is still painful for her.But she still choose because she believe this is best for her.She is such a strong girl.Thanks for your translation. I really like it.;)

    • If only Cheng Rui went to look for her after that incident with Zhen Zhu. They could have talked it out and not let the matter go quiet and let it steam off until they divorced. But then again, if only there is ‘what if’…

      I think it hurts when you know they still love each other and their marriage could have been salvaged ‘if only’ Cheng Rui did more?

      • Indeed… In a relationship both party need to compromise not only one. She might have too many requests as he said, but he doesn’t have to fulfill them all anyway. It would have been enough if he could at least fulfill the half of them.
        When two persons going through a long journey with different lengths of legs and paces…in order to be able to walk side by side, not only the shorter and slower one needs to go a bit faster and occasionally run a little bit, but the other one needs to slow down a little and perhaps occasionally take a few steps backwards too.
        It would never work if only one party does the effort, sooner or later it will be too exhausting and no energy left anymore to walk together.
        If this is being the case, then choosing different path would simply be the best thing to do. Unfortunately.

  4. Thank you for the story. I liked it despite the ending. Because she had no choice but to leave. She cannot just keep on waiting. Good for her.

  5. Thank you for translating thia great story, being the one who waits for someone is really hard and painful but the one who keeps disappearing never gets it when we leave them. If their places could be changed, then that person would never ask why we left them. Huhu. So sad but so true. I really like Dan Xin. I’d rather be alone then be in a r/ship alone.

    • Sigh, I suppose Cheng Rui never stood under her shoes and though of her feelings before. Him asking her ‘Why do you have many requests?’ really showed that.

      He never bothered to know, never bothered to understand.

  6. Thanks for the ending. Different from what I expected as I was hoping they get back together. Without a doubt, both of them love each other. Admire Dan Xin for being able to let go and move on.

    Once again, thank you for the lovely novel

  7. Thank you for translating this.
    It is a beautiful ending in its own way and quiet refreshing to read the other side of relationship.
    I am actually glad it ended like this instead of unrealistic happy ending.
    This is now one of my favourite story.

  8. Thank you for your hard work…..wish dan xin could get a happier ending…though it was a satisfactory decision on her end to finish off a one sided marriage but let’s not forget parting is never easy. Process itself is life draining…so I feel it was a bittersweet ending.

    • Agreed! I wished there was a sequel to it after finishing the novel but alas, I don’t think there will ever be one.

  9. I totally agreed with Dan Xing’s decision. It’s best to end before the hate. It’s best to end being not loved than became enemies. Love and Hate is two sides of a coin indeed. People might say they didn’t try hard enough to save their marriage but we’re not them. They had their shared memories, times and understandings. Even still, they failed. It’s not love or not love problem but trust and will. To love is to have will and trust for the opposite party.

    • Yeah, you are right. Better to end at good terms than to hate each other to the bones.

      I think Dan Xin did trust him somehow at the beginning but Cheng Rui has failed to give her assurance. Nevertheless, it should be a two-sided thing. Maybe Dan Xin should have told him about her insecurities and all. But (sorry I am against Cheng Rui) I really think that Cheng Rui, as her husband and lover, should have knew.

      If he bother to care, he would know and sense it.

  10. Man, whenever I read a chapter of this story, I always finish with tears in my eyes… ;( I hope things get better for her soon.

  11. Thank you for this story. I really like it.
    I admire Dan Xin. She knows when it’s time to let go. I know they still love each other but in the long run it will just turn ugly and before they start to hate each other, they need to go on their separate life.

    • Yes, better to leave on good terms than to hate each other.

      At least, I can imagine that after the divorce, and after recovering from the scar, Dan Xin will have the courage to say hi to him if they ever meet on the street.

  12. -sigh- It’d be great if there was a sequel to this.

    Anyway, I hope to see more translations from you.

  13. i almost shed tears reading this chapter.
    Thank you

  14. Its a beautiful storybof living, facing reality, sentimentality and letting go. I’d say they are lucky they dont have children.

  15. Once again thanks for the lovely novel! Nice ending, is not easy to be celeb wife, really admire Dan Xin.

    • Welcome!

      Sigh. I mean being a celeb wife don’t have to be that bad, right? Ultimately lies on what the husband will do. 😦 But yeah… in her case, it was not easy.

  16. Thank you for the translation! TBT is really beautiful, young love and courageous break up in one dose. Dan Xin loved and still loves Cheng Rui, but she makes the right decision. Although they both love each other, their marriage is only loveless becuase they both are different people aspiring to different things. Dan Xin cannot wait forever for love, and when she looks back to the past, she realizes that she is the same, but times have changed. Love cannot hold her in the same place forever for a man who is distant.
    Now, before it is too late, she will take a step forward. It is just as courageous to stay as it is to love, but perhaps a little more courageous to love and leave.

    • Reading this story 2 years later, I have slightly new thoughts. They were both different from the start. When marriage comes, it is not the end but beginning of another journey where their love is slowly eroded by reality and their differences.

      I agree with you. It’s hard to leave when you are in your comfort zone, and when you still love the person. Sometimes, you lose yourself and forget that the most important person that you have to love first, is yourself.

  17. daebak.. wow.. just wow..
    love is never enough. i admire her strength to choose. not many women in this world would choose this decision.
    this definitely isnt a CINDERELLA story.

    thank you so much for your hard work 😀
    please come again with other great storyline 😛

  18. Thank you for sharing this translation and hopefully you had a wonderful time translating it. Maybe I’m one of the few that was a little disappointed with Dan Xin’s decision. This is a really touching story, short and realistic. But maybe because I’m someone who hates divorces and it saddens me a lot seeing so many people divorcing. More so when the couple doesn’t even try to work on the marriage. I cannot point fingers to who is at fault in this story because both of them are at fault. What really bugged me was that Dan Xin never voiced her discontentment or discomfort. Cheng Rui wasn’t any better for not giving Dan Xin a sense of security and addressing those rumors or correcting his fans. It wasn’t like he was married in the dark; everyone knew he was married. And if that is the case, I think a man who protects his wife is a lot more charming than a man who lets the world slander his wife. “To love and to cherish, to love and to honor.. till death do us part..” When you make a promise, it’s a promise. Till death do us part.. that emphasizes the significance and the never ending battle for life together. It’s a life giving up your own selfishness for another, to consider the other person. If Dan Xin considered Cheng Rui and Cheng Rui considered Dan Xin, it might not have led to this result. Maybe many will find Dan Xin’s action as courageous, but I don’t find that as courageous at all. She didn’t want to address the issue or even let Cheng Rui have a chance to maybe work it out together. He seemed willing, but even he didn’t fight for it. They were always at this standstill, no communication whatsoever. Perhaps the both of them didn’t love each other enough to fight for each other. Sorry if I have stepped on anyone’s toes for I know divorce could be a sensitive issue, but marriage isn’t something to take lightly to begin with. Society nowadays have made divorce as a norm when it shouldn’t be. And it’s sad that this story is so realistic that people do get divorces so casually and so easily like drinking a bitter cup of coffee. It really hurts so much.

    • I totally agree with what you said. About promises, love, working together, marriages and divorces. I like how the author wrote about Dan Xin’s feelings and thoughts. But you are right. Things could have turned out differently. If only she did this, if only he did this.. If only she was like this, if only he was like this.. Well, life isn’t perfect even though one has perfect intentions. This is certainly a bittersweet story. With lots of “what ifs” and “if onlys” and sighs!

      • I agree that marriage is a lifelong commitment that must be taken seriously. However, I did not feel that Dan Xin made her decision lightly or casually. It was a decision stemming from many years of unhappiness.

        As she said, can you be at ease with your spouse giving up his dream so that he can be the spouse you want? And should you stay in a relationship that is ultimately not right for you? How long can you wait for a person to be who you want them to be? She wanted an ordinary life, and he could not give her that. They may love each other still, but their love was not right for each other.

        Perhaps he could have protected her against slandering, but I think there is only so much he can do. If she felt safe in their relationship, the slandering should not have affected her to the point of divorce. And it’s not like the slandering stopped with their divorce. A relationship requires time and commitment – she had time, but he did not. And she waited, up to the point that they barely had anything to converse about. How long is long enough?

        I think the most striking point was her not being angry about his affair. Can you really make a marriage work then?

        I admire her not because she divorced, but because she had the courage of going with the road that is more likely to give her happiness. She could have changed her mind in the end, but would we have been more comfortable with this decision simply because it was not a divorce? In the way she broke down at the end, she clearly was heart broken.

        As I think of my husband and how busy we are, my takeaway from this story is to never let a hectic life allow you to become strangers.

  19. Thank you cloudandsea.

    I so much admire Dan Xin. What inner strength and courage. And the pain of letting go the man you love because it is the best decision for yourself… The silent tears really got to me. It might have been the right decision, but it was also a heartbreaking one. I think this story will stay with me for a long time. Thank you for sharing.

  20. Thank you.

    My heart can’t help to tremble from reading this. Separation doesn’t always happen because you hate each other. I really like the way it was written and I really like Dan Xin’s character. It wasn’t an easy decision and it took her years before she came to this point and you can feel it from the writings. So thumbs up for translating this.

  21. It tug on my heart.
    This is really a real life story…
    Today is not like the olden days when women just remain at home waiting for husband and suffering loneliness in silent.
    They have courage and the strengths to choose what is the best for themselves…..
    For Cheng Rui, I doubt it is love if he can leave his wife for so many months without any effort to seek her. e done nothing to maintain the marriage.
    How can he kiss another women and just left to do promotion when being caught like that. That’s no love but just selfishness. Selfishness of a man who think that no matter what there will be somebody who will wait on him and support him…
    I really hope that the writer show Dan xin met someone new who will always be by her side and support her. I hope she can built a new real family with their own children.

  22. Thank you for your translation. This story is so sad but reasonable.

  23. Manly tears were shed today ='(

  24. This is too much.. too hurtful..too real..
    a story that will make an endless tear..
    i hate separation.. i felt like crying for days for this story
    thanks for sharing such an amazing story..
    the most hurtfull story that i have read…

  25. I read obituary of Cynthia Lennon today, and I can’t help not to relate to your translation : Dan Xin life is resembling Cynthia Lennon thank you for translating 🙂

  26. Thank you for the translation! Love the story!

    For my two cents, am I alone in thinking that the husband was a total douche for kissing and was in the process of doing it with some young hot chick in their house, when he knew she was coming?

    When he clearly knew there were all kinds of rumours about him and fans attacks on her? Talking about emotional abuse.
    And he was supposed to love her? who needs enemies when you have loved one like that huh.

    It’s amazing 6 years of those didn’t destroy her. She is really strong, managing to retain her dignity and self love.

    About her not expressing her insecurities, I’m sure in the beginning she was trying to support him, did not want to be a burden. Later on, his popularity combined with vicious rumors must have destroy her self confidence as implied in the story how she feels she did not deserve him, to the point that she was not angry when he’s cheating right in her face. If we want to insist on her mistakes, they would be: too naive, then too proud. Should have nag him first chance she got, but if she did that, knowing how he puts his career above everything else, things might get ugly quick and they’ll just divorce sooner.

    To that end, I’m really glad she managed to get out of such abusive relationship. She definitely deserves better. Well at least she got alimony. Guy still have some conscience.

    • Dan Xin said that he is good man, but for me, a real good man is some who will always tried his best to be beside you no matter how busy he is. No good man will cheat on his own wife in their shared house to boot. No good man will say that his wife has too many request when the only things that she ask for is for him to be by her side. How rare for him be to there for her to ask that of him…shouldn’t he think more on that. Being a woman, I know how lonely life would be not because the husband are too busy, but because he’d never shows concern.
      i really hope that Dan Xin will meet a man who will treat her better.

  27. Dan Xian should have divorced earlier. I’m glad that she was the one who initiated the divorce though! This friggin guy(her now ex-husband) just pissed me off.

    Wish there was an epilogue where she finds someone to love and that person loves her back just as much. And the ex-husband will see her from far away. He sees her happily laughing with her husband and child. They’re holding onto their child’s hands lifting him up and swinging him. He will regret that he wasn’t the one who was able to stick by her side, married, and have a child together. A tear will slide down his cheek and he drives away regretting how he didn’t protect her from the media and that he cheated on her.

    Then when he is 50 years old, nearing the end of his career…he will remember the past. He continues to lead in the music industry but he never remarried.

    Give him an ending he deserves and that she deserves. Author of this Chinese novel…why didn’t you write an epilogue?! Why you make the female seem so…hag like with no prospects? Jk. I’m just glad that the woman in this novel at least stood her ground. Thank you.

  28. beautifully translated.. Good job and thank you cloudandsea :3

  29. This is so beautiful! And realistic. I wish more authors would write such realistic endings rather than a fake ‘happy ever after’ ending..

    Thank you for translating this. It was sad but truly beautiful.

  30. I thought I could resist the onion ninjas, but I was too weak. *sigh*

    I was half-expecting a happy ending, or an ending where it talks about how she’s doing years after the divorce as an epilogue of sorts, but this is fine too.

    But really, if her husband really actually loved her, why doesn’t he give her time? All the riches in the world could be give to a woman, but the only immaterial thing that we will ever really want is time with the people we love.

  31. Never should’ve read this, too much heartache for me. Beautiful, but im not contented, I’m still yearning for something to happen, its incomplete inside my heart but nothing I cam do about it since im not the author

  32. Always a tearjerker, no matter how many times you read this. (Revisiting after a long while.)

    Thank you for translating this beautiful, heartbreaking story.

    • Thanks for reading it again! I read the this novel from time to time and it still breaks my heart. This novel also reminds me to move on from painful things in life.

  33. Reality hurts. I think I’ll continue to delude myself with “happily ever after” stories.
    Thank you for your hard work on translating this novel~

  34. I wish his point of view had been presented too. Like this, it feels, not bittersweet, but just bitter! He comes across as an undesirable person who only wants to receive and thinks he can buy his way out of trouble. When he left to do publicity for his album, leaving his wife alone even after she saw such a scene…He has no conscience!

  35. Thank you very much for translating this short story. It was so heartbreaking, but I am glad to have read this.

    Dan Xian made a fair and admirable choice by sticking to the divorce. It was just so heartbreaking to see that she is still so in love with him and a part of him kinda wished that they could somehow make up, so that she wouldn’t be disappointed over and over again, but in the end, I was glad that it ended the way it ended. Because, for me, this is what makes the story so beautiful.

    I also agree that it also feels kind of unfinished and what bothers me the most is her unjust treatment. Her fate is so sad and aside from his manager, no one seems to show her any compassion for what she went through and what she had to endure. I wonder if even her husband is aware of her entire pain. From their dialogue, it seems he believes that him cheating was the main problem, but it is so short and it is only a snippet so it might be hard to say. I also wish there was some kind of epilogue, which sums everything up a little for the reader’s conscience.

    Anyway, thank you so much for giving us the chance to read this wonderful work!

  36. it is very sad and i’m now crying. why can you let the girl be happy at the end with other people and let the stupid man suffer. or let the girl suicide and the man suffer from guilty and regret. i hate the man very much.

  37. Left me in tears. Rereading this for the 4th time already the tears are still here.

  38. Ai, that moment when a single drop falls down and then the whole waterfall is gushing out and then you just want to curl up in a ball and wait till snot is running down and your throat is parched. Honestly, I really wish he would’ve tried in this relationship, but there’s no “wouldve’s” or “if’s” in this story, I think if I was in her situation, I wouldn’t be able to be as clear-headed as her. Props to the author of this story for being a such a natural sadist.

  39. Wow… This hit the core of my heart, because I could definitely relate to how Dan Xin feels about waiting… Waiting for a person, waiting for appreciation, waiting for actions to justify three simple words… Her husband belongd to everyone, same with my ex… Both have great ambitions in their external lives that they refuse to balance out with their personal lives… I’m laughing and crying right now because Cheng Rui’s sentence “Dan Xin, why do you have so many requests?” reminded me how he told me “Why do you ask for too much?” When I simply wanted him to appreciate what I gave and did for him… I just wanted him to put in some effort to make things work…
    Although Dan Xin is just a character from a story, I’m glad she took a step back and know her self-worth and took the initiative to end the failed marriage, while I indulged myself with false hope that my failed relationship could improve, hurting myself more than necessary in the end… She is much more stronger than me, holding her head high even when the world crashes down. I truly look up to her. I wish I was strong enough to make the same decision as her, then maybe I wouldn’t be heartbroken as much…

  40. There’s so much comment I need ro scroll really long time to comment too. This one is really good. Its like an open ending,you can just fabricate its continuation until your satisfied. I really wish it ended with husband realizing he can have all the fame but without his wife he is nothing then kneeling or crawling his way again to get back with his wife. Then they live happily ever after. How I wish it ended like that. This short novel is a great ground for a longer and better novel.

  41. I don’t believe that the guy still loved his wife after he became popular as he was used to glam life. No matter how busy he was, not even having some time to make a call to his wife and know what she was doing and tell her what he was doing and his where about shows that how much he cared for his wife. Maybe she was sick in the time when he wasn’t around but no, he wouldn’t know because he didn’t make an effort to the point where she had to rely on newspapers to know about her husbands where about. Well i really hoped for the author to make an epilogue about what happened to Dan Xing. She made right choice because she let him go which would ultimately make her life easier. I guess husband would be benefiting because since he was no longer married he could wander around without being it called cheating and besides there is no guarantee that he hadn’t lost control before when DanXing wasn’t around to seee it. Its not easy to forget her love and she was completely heart broken at the end when she cries even though she never shed tears during the whole journey which shows how much she loved him. I hope she found true happiness later, did things to forget about him, engaging in activities that would benefit her career and found someone who would understand her, give her time and attention.

  42. So sad! Ok, she got the car, house and potted plant, but what about her happiness or her horrible reputation on TV? Is he not gonna explain to her and to everyone what really happened, explain who’s the one he really loves? She may say she’s not mad about his cheating, but I am!!! What if the media keeps talking bad things about her and what if even worse he marries the cheating partner or another celebrity and what if she stays alone forever in the shadow of his ex-wife!
    For god’s sake, this couple needs to sit down and talk! Even if they do divorce in the end, but do it after talking it out! So mad, and sad! Thank you translator-sama for your beautiful stories!

  43. Im reminded of the movie Begin Again.
    Thank you so much!

  44. Ugh..!! This is why I don’t like this kind of stories..! I can’t with the fact of how hurt she is. Even as I type this, my tears won’t stop falling..!! 🤧🤧😢😢😢😭😭😭

  45. as a teenager.. i still believe in happy ending but life is not basically just that… choices are everywhere… but what can define a best choice???

  46. My heart is broken. 😢

  47. Everytime I read this story I want to cry. Ugh if there was a continuation of this where she gets a happy ending, I’d love to read it

  48. I dont believe that man really loves her as he says so. i bet he he felt relief that time they divorced. Argh!! I pity her albeit im inlove with her character. shes strong she deserves a powerful man morethan her selfish exhusband, who will treat her right and spoil her till their old. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Leave a Reply to Amber Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s