This story talks about an undercover police who lost his leg during a mission. We do not know much about it as the story starts from his life after losing his leg. He became a taxi-driver and during an accident, he met the female lead. The female lead is a very cold person who does not interact much with other people beside her family and her boss. But there is something very warm about her – the way she treats her brother and him.
I think that the most beautiful part of the novel is the last chapter. It speaks truly about their love and the female’s character. It is even more poignant given that she committed suicide 4 years after his death. She tried hard to stay and live on without him. But she couldn’t eventually.
Bad ending, but it spoke so truly to the name of the novel and their love.
I need to warn that there are a few intimate scenes in this novel and also that the female lead actually has a “fetish” for his handicapped leg (which she admitted to him). I actually read this novel last year and after reading this part, I think I got disgusted and stopped reading. But I recently went to read novels by Twentine after decembi introduced Our Second Master. I think this story is definitely way more than her “fetish” and more about the strong, unspoken bond between the leads.
So sorry but I will not be translating this novel. But I hope for those who can read Chinese (or use Google Translation), do check out this novel!
Chapter 70 –
Chen Ming Sheng’s household register eventually landed under her hometown.
He wanted to be buried here.
His mother’s mental state was not in a right condition. Or rather, someone finally realized that she had mental problems. She was taken to the hospital infirmary.
Chen Ming Sheng’s funeral was arranged by the police.
Yang Zhao stopped at the door of the funeral. She did not go in. The funeral was very simple. Even though Old Xu invited all the police officers that knew Chen Ming Sheng, only about a dozen came.
Wen Lei gave a call to Yang Zhao, but she did not answer.
Old Xu said, “Forget it.”
Wen Lei brought up the topic of passing Chen Ming Sheng’s savings to her but Old Xu stopped it.
“What is the point of giving her? If you pass her the money, what is Chen Ming Sheng’s mother going to do? How is this old lady going to live?”
Wen Lei said, “This is what Brother Sheng has left for sister-in… Yang Zhao”
“What to leave for her when she does not even come for the funeral?” Old Xu replied.
Finally, they passed all the money Chen Ming Sheng had left to his mother. They contacted a distant relative of Chen Ming Sheng to help take care of his mother.
Chen Ming Sheng’s colleagues raised the funds for his funeral. His ashes was placed in a columbaria.
Everything was peaceful again.
Old Xu and Wen Lei returned back to Kunming to continue what they were supposed to do.
Yang Jin Tian reported to his university.
Yang Zhao returned to the United States.
But she would come back, every year.
Every time she visited him, Yang Zhao would only say one sentence: Chen Ming Sheng, I will not come again next year.
But the following year, she still came.
She brought very little things – only a stalk of lily and a box of cigarettes.
She also spent a very short time here. She would smoke a few cigarettes with him, say a few words and leave.
At times, Yang Zhao felt that this feeling was very surreal.
The police chose a very young photo of him in uniform. When she first saw the photo, she smiled and said to him, “I didn’t know that you would look that nice in uniform.”
And then she went back.
She went back to the road that they used to walk together.
One year went by. Two years went by. Three years went by…
Gradually, the photo yellowed.
Yang Jin Tian successfully graduated from university and was enrolled as a graduate student. On this rare holiday, he made a trip home.
In order to celebrate for him, Yang Zhao rushed over from the United States.
Yang Jin Tian has matured. His achievements were outstanding and his goals were clear.
When Yang Zhao was here, Yang Jin Tian drove her around.
That was the fourth year.
That year, during summer, she suddenly recalled something when she was in Yang Jin Tian’s car.
She had missed the anniversary of his death.
When she hurried over, she realised that the photo was still the same.
She had turned thirty, but he was still the same.
His smile was not obvious and his expression was neutral. She ran, panting heavily. But he still looked the same.
At that moment, Yang Zhao went into a light trance.
She slowly walked out of the cemetery. Before she left, she turned around to ask the caretaker whether anybody else came to visit.
The caretaker checked and casually replied, “No, only you.”
Yang Zhao nodded and left.
After coming out, Yang Jin Tian looked at her with concern. Yang Zhao gave a light smile back and said nothing.
That day was stuffy and hot, so Yang Jin Tian took her to a ice cream shop.
Whilst eating the ice cream, Yang Zhao saw Yang Jin Tian’s hesitant look, wanting to speak and yet not speaking. “Why?” she asked.
“If there is something, just say.” Yang Zhao said.
Yang Jin Tian bit his lips, and stole a glance at Yang Zhao before he spoke. “Jie, it is… is like this.”
Yang Zhao listened intently, and laughed when he finished his words. “So my parents told you to hurry me to get married?”
“Not hurry, but persuade.” Yang Jin Tian replied.
“Oh.” Yang Zhao nodded.
“Jie…” Yang Jin Tian hesitated again.
“Just say at one go.” Yang Zhao prompted him to continue.
“Actually there is another reason why I came to find you.” Yang Jin Tian continued.
“What matter?” Yang Zhao asked.
Yang Jin Tian took his mobile phone, pressed a few buttons and passed it over for Yang Zhao to see.
On the screen was a photo of a man in his thirties, dressed in casual wear with a pair of glasses, smiling very gently.
“Who is this?”
“Jie, what do you think about him?” Yang Jin Tian asked.
Yang Zhao looked at him and finally understood.
“So you are planning to look for a brother-in-law?”
Yang Jin Tian’s face flushed in embarassment and said, “No… This is my mentor and he is very amazing. He… He…”
Yang Jin Tian continued, “He is still single and asked me more about you when he saw your picture. Jie, are… you interested?”
Yang Zhao raised her eyebrows.
Yang Jin Tian did not give up, “He has a particularly good temper and is a nice guy. You do not know how many school girls have ranked him as their idol.”
Yang Jin Tian tried hard to praise his mentor until Yang Zhao suddenly said, “I forgot.”
Yang Jin Tian was surprised, “What?”
“This year, I forgot….” Yang Zhao looked out at the window. It was busy outside. She did not bother whether Yang Jin Tian understood what she had said and continued in a weary tone, “When I went back, he was still wearing the same expression. That look, no change at all.”
Yang Jin Tian remained silent.
Yang Zhao continued, “You know, that moment, it dawned upon me that he was just waiting”
“Waiting for what?” Yang Jin Tian asked.
Waiting for this world to completely forget about him.
Yang Zhao did not answer.
“Jie, all things will pass.” Yang Jin Tian comforted her, “You have to take care of yourself. All these are nothing big. It is just that you can’t let go of it now.”
Yang Zhao looked at the cold drink in front of her. Yang Jin Tian continued, “Jie, my mentor is also in the province now. Do you want to meet him?”
Yang Zhao stayed quiet for a very long time, and unconsciously said, “…Okay.”
The outside was covered with green trees and grass.
Yang Zhao felt that everything happened sporadically.
I reminisced occasionally about the past. I missed you occasionally. I realised occasionally that I cannot bear to leave you.
The next day, Yang Jin Tian went to her apartment to look for her.
Yang Zhao eventually bought the house although she rarely used it. She handed her keys to Yang Jin Tian, so that when it was convenient, he could come over to clean it.
Yang Jin Tian opened the door.
“Jie, are you ready? You know how funny my mentor is. He is so nervous! As if it is his first love.”
The house was very quiet.
“Jie?” Yang Jin Tian called again.
Yang Jin Tian kept his mouth closed and immediately, the house went quiet. He vaguely heard the sound of water.
Yang Jin Tian walked over to the bedroom. The sound of the water was louder in the bathroom.
Yang Jin Tian pressed on, and pushed open the door very slowly.
That summer, Yang Zhao committed suicide in her apartment.
She slit her wrist and died of overbleeding.
She died, untainted. She laid in the bathtub and yet, not a single drop of blood flowed out.
She looked at ease. Yang Jin Tian thought that one of the reasons why he did not went crazy was because Yang Zhao did not appear to be in pain. She was finally at peace.
Local newspaper wanted to report this, but the Yang family suppressed the news.
The pain of losing her was immense. They did not want to let other people bother her.
Besides Yang Jin Tian, no one knew why Yang Zhao committed suicide. A lot of people associated it with an artist’s extreme pursuit for perfection. But only Yang Jin Tian knew that, it was not like that.
When he first found her body, he called for the police. In her study room, he found a notebook on the desk. Yang Zhao wrote some words; not very structured, unlike her usual style. Rather, it looked like it was written at random.
There was a period of time in my life.
That period of time,
I can use my inadequate vocabulary to paint every minute, every second of it;
I can remember all the little details with my exhausted soul.
But that period of time was short-lived.
Just like a story that had just began, and came to an abrupt end.
I spent a lot of time trying to start a new story.
But I did not succeed.
I began to fear using “Many years have passed” to describe my life.
So after trying for a long time, I decided to give up.
Even a mundane story should have an ending.
Now I am very pleased.
Because this untold story
is finally complete.
Beside the notebook was a small piece of paper. Yang Jin Tian took both away.
He did not know whether this was right or wrong but he did not want anyone else to see them. Nobody.
On Yang Zhao’s funeral, her parents tried to control their grief but to no avail. Yang Jin Tian suddenly felt a sense of hatred. He hated him, her and himself.
He accompanied Yang Zhao’s parents while Xue Miao helped to handle matters regarding the funeral.
Xue Miao looked much older when he saw him at the funeral.
This change was from within the heart.
That night, Yang Jin Tian drove to a suburban cemetery.
Prices here were regarded as relatively cheap. Yang Jin Tian parked his car and walked into the cemetery.
He asked the caretaker and found the location where Chen Ming Sheng’s ashes were placed.
When he walked towards there, he felt a sense of irony.
He actually came to see him.
When Yang Jin Tian saw Chen Ming Sheng’s photo, he finally understood what Yang Zhao meant by ‘forever unchange’.
The photo was very, very old. So old that he thought this was a completely forgotten corner.
“Do you still remember me?” Yang Jin Tian asked.
The police in the photo quietly looked back at him.
“I hate you.” Yang Jing Tian said dismissively.
“But I hate myself more.” Yang Jin Tian’s tone was neither too slow nor fast. His eyes were swollen from all the crying.
“For many times, I thought, if only I listened to her words and not play around. If I did not mess with you, my sister would never know you. How great would that be?”
“Do you know, on the day of your death, my sister came back and said, ‘It’s me. It’s me who pulled him out of it.’ I do not know what that means. Do you understand it?”
The world was quiet, with only Yang Jin Tian talking to himself.
“I am here today to tell you that from now on, no one will come to see you anymore.”
Then he turned to leave.
After he took a few steps, he stopped and quickly turned back.
“I hate you!” Yang Jin Tian was very emotional, “I hate you, I’ll never forgive you. You took her away. Who do you think you are?”
Yang Jin Tian covered his face. Because of the strength he was exerting, his whole body was trembling.
Finally, he pulled out something from his pants and threw it across the gap between the wall and the glass door. That thing is a photo. The photo flipped to a corner.
Under the moonlight, the photo was very blurred. But you could vaguely see that it was a painting. The resolution of the photo was not very high. It seemed to be a random shot taken by a phone with shaking hands.
“My sister used to look at this picture very often. I took a photo of it.” Yang Jin Tian said, “As for others, I will not give it to you.”
It was a complete painting but a pity that the phone could not illuminiate its rich details and colour. It was all pitch black. Yang Jin Tian had looked at this painting for many times, but he could never understand why Yang Zhao liked it so much.
His accomplishment for art was not high, hence, he saw nothing special about it.
But today, across the small glass door, he suddenly noticed an area he never paid attention to.
At the corner of the painting, there was a faint white colour.
It was too vague, and appeared to be from a distance.
Yang Jin Tian shook his head, no longer wanting to look at it.
“I do not know where this place is,” he said, “but maybe you will know it.”
He walked out step by step, and for one last time, he turned back.
Chen Ming Sheng maintained his calm expression. His hair short and neatly-kept; his eyes black; his facial structure normal. Yang Jin Tian felt that he was looking and saying to him, ‘Thank you.’
Yang Jin Tian left.
At the hillside outside the cemetery, he squatted and smoked.
He rarely smoked, but this time, he could no longer control. He needed the nicotine to lessen the dull ache in his chest.
The hill was high. He looked at the thousands of lighted houses in front.
As the wind blew, he tilted his head to dodge the sand.
The moment he tilted, he saw a tiny flower blooming inside a crack along the hillside.
The flowers swayed with the wind, but it did not break.
Yang Jin Tian suddenly cried out loud.
Sadness was overwhelming and drowning him.
But he could not find the reason why.
This fact caused him even more pain.
He knew that there were many things that he did not know about, and that he would never know.
Yang Jin Tian raised his hand as tears streamed over his face.
As he raised his hand, a small piece of paper flew with the wind.
The writings on the paper turned lively and vigorous, as if the owner was as enthusiastic to fly too.
Perhaps the wind was able to see the contents of the paper. Hence, it worked harder to send it further away.
There were only eight words on the paper:
“Chen Ming Sheng, I am coming to find you.”
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September 13, 2015 at 11:50 pm
Too sad….. but beautiful.
A blameless suicide.
September 14, 2015 at 11:35 pm
I really like how you described it as a blameless suicide, she found peace in death…
September 15, 2015 at 12:06 am
Yes. Thank you! It’s the way she justified her suicide that she did try to start a new story but couldn’t. At least she tried for 4 years…
December 7, 2015 at 2:36 am
Yes sigh. She tried but however short time they were together, he was such a deep part of her life already.
December 13, 2016 at 12:31 am
I’m gonna cry :((((((((((
September 14, 2015 at 5:36 am
I’m now very intrigued by their story. Even though the story is clearly heartrending, the last line leaves me with simultaneous feelings of loss and hope. Yes she’s dead, but she’s gone to be with him, so isn’t this a kind of happy ending?
December 7, 2015 at 2:38 am
Happy ending for them but sad ending for the people they left. But ya you are right, it was a happy ending, she wasn’t happy at all after he passed away. Given her character and the nature of their love, it was hard for her to move on.
She is the kind of person who loves all the way when she meets the right one.
September 14, 2015 at 5:45 am
cloudandsea, I added one of the proposed book covers. (I thought the voting was done, but I don’t know which cover was the final one selected to go to the printing press.) Hope you don’t mind. You can change the pic if you want. 🙂
December 7, 2015 at 2:39 am
Thanks hehehe! I am always lazy to find a picture that I like. Always take ages especially since I always can’t find the proper keyword to look for.
September 14, 2015 at 9:02 am
If I were her di, I’d hate him too. Love really is a poison. Especially for some, who love to drown in love.
September 14, 2015 at 9:04 am
Btw, are you a fan of this kind of heartbreaking stories? Why did you translate these bittersweet tales?
December 7, 2015 at 2:40 am
Yeah I am kinda a fan of bittersweet novels. Especially when I am stressed with my schoolwork 😛 And I think most importantly I think those stories with good plot and writing always turn out to be bittersweet also… Often more layers to the story too.
September 14, 2015 at 3:43 pm
i want to read this story…I don’t know why but as I grow older, i prefer this type of ‘crying your eyes out’ type of story….It’s nice to cry from time to time….
The disappointment and loneliness that gnawing my heart out after reading a story like this sometimes feels great…maybe because it reflect me. Feeling lonely and alone though i have no lack of people around me…*sigh*
December 7, 2015 at 2:41 am
Same here. T_T Probably need an outlet to relieve the stress. But I only read this kind of novels once in a while because I always get affected for 1-2 days in real life by the story. lol. 😛 But not many novels can have that efect.
But really like how real this novel is! Happy you like this sort of novels too 🙂
September 14, 2015 at 6:01 pm
I just finished my exam today and after reading this, I am crying TT_____TT I should’ve stopped when I read the summary. I’m a sucker for punishment….
September 17, 2015 at 11:18 am
I finished this story. heart wrenching heart warming. dunno how to explain the emotions. they loved each other so muc, understood each other so much, meant the whole world and everything to each other. except no one ever saw, understood or even attempt to.
basically they were each others one and only saviour.
a good read. the author gives a rather simple way of writing to show a deep bond between the 2.
September 18, 2015 at 11:55 am
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May 22, 2016 at 1:13 pm
hi thank u for translating
i got really emotional after reading this… im just wondering why/how did the male lead died?
i cant understand chinese. ive tried using google translate but the english doesnt make any sense 😁😘😝
December 13, 2016 at 12:23 am
Thank you so much ❤ <3. U know what…i am crazy about this story. And your translation really touch my heart. I read it on my own language but it's so meaningful to read again in English
December 13, 2016 at 12:37 am
After finding your site, i was moved. A paradise for fans of Chinese novel and who want improve English skills like me. Forgive for my poor English 😛 And could u please correct my comment when i have some grammar mistakes? It helps me a lot. Anyway, thank you so much :***
January 12, 2018 at 10:40 am
I enjoyed this heart breaking story. I went back to the beginning, and read the whole story because this chapter was so beautifully written/ translated.