Fangirling Chinese Novels

My Darling (我的曼达林) — Chapter 5.1


Jian Bianlin’s dad has great timing…

Chapter 5.1 — Age-Old Jealousies (1)

On the opposite side of this little street was a shopping centre. Without warning, several digital advertising posters all jumped to a new picture—one of Jian Bianlin… It was a poster for the men’s skin care products that he was the spokesperson for.

This sudden change in advertisement that now lined the entire street caused Chu Jian’s heart to go thump, thump in her chest.

The stark white headlights of a vehicle shone in their direction.

A hotel shuttle bus turned into their street, honking its horn as it zoomed past them. Less than a minute later, the street was packed with tourists who had gotten off the bus and were standing around.

An originally empty and safe street had become a gathering place for the masses.

Worried that someone would recognize him, Jian Bianlin pulled her onto the steps of a tall building and, with his back to the tourists, hid her with his own body. The two of them appeared no different from any other ordinary tourist. In fact, they seemed more like a young couple who were suddenly in the mood to get cozy and had found a little corner to be lovey-dovey in.

Chu Jian’s back was against a metal railing. Completely shielded by his body in that corner, she was unable to see anything aside from his black jacket’s metal zipper, which was so close it was nearly touching the tip of her nose.

Among the clamour of voices, somebody recognized Jian Bianlin’s poster ad and sighed over how he truly was crazily red-hot of late. Someone also commented in passing that all the major marketing IDs on social media platforms had disclosed that his first television drama that was soon to begin filming was…

Wait. Wait!

She could sense that he had lifted his hand.

Hearing that the voices had more or less all left, Chu Jian tilted her head up and was about to say, “Should we go somewhere that’s more secluded? Who would have thought that such a small street would still have those free hotel shuttles stopping on it? So not safe.” When she raised her eyes, though, she saw him soundlessly removing the black mask that had been covering half his face.

This simple action, in this moment, actually evoked an inexplicably suggestive feeling.

“The car… is going to be here soon, right?” she asked.

“Should be soon.” He moved in closer. His lips were right there in front of the bridge of her nose.

His breath was so searing hot it aroused a flustered feeling in her.

“Let’s go down.” She shrank backwards, but the back of her head smacked into the wall of the building, banging into the notice that said, “This glass door is broken. Please go through the main doors of the building” …

In that instant when their lips truly, physically came into contact, she unconsciously grabbed whatever her fingers touched—the zipper of his jacket.

This action completely seemed like she was responding to him.

He took things a step further, pressing his body tightly against hers. Amid their intermingled, ragged breathing, he gently sucked her lower lip, then her upper lip, until finally, his tongue explored past her lips and slipped inside to find … that little canine tooth…

With a clack, the digital boards behind them all simultaneously changed over to a poster for the latest James Bond movie[1] that was playing in theatres.

Chu Jian suddenly pushed him away.

Jian Bianlin allowed himself to follow the momentum of this action and pull away from her. A light breeze blew by. Their lips felt chilly.

Her hand was still clasping his jacket zipper, and her body felt a little weak. She had forgotten even what embarrassment was and merely felt dazed, unable to produce even the slightest sound.

Chu Jian…

Jian Bianlin wanted to say something to make the atmosphere between them even better, but after remaining there frozen for a dozen or so seconds, he still had not come up with a decent thing to say…

© 2013-2016 FANATICAL ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Translated with the express permission of the author for If you are not reading this from, then this translation has been posted without the permission of the translator.

Luckily, the mobile phone in Chu Jian’s pocket rang.

Nibbling on her lower lip, Chu Jian lowered her head, dawdlingly pulled the phone out, and set it beside her ear. “Hello?”

“Chu Jian.” It was Uncle Jian’s voice. Her heart rate jumped a few levels before she answered with an “mm-hmm.” On the other end of the line, the voice said with a chuckle, “Uncle is secretly telling you this. I saw Xu Jing today, you know, the person that Jian Bianlin beat up quite severely in high school. Does he like you?”

“Huh?” Chu Jian paused blankly. This… How had the topic managed to come to this?

“He specially came to see me. He also said that he wanted to contact you and got your phone number from me. So, I asked him, ‘What do you need her number for?’ He gave me a vague answer, saying it’s been so many years and you are both adults now, so he’s just keeping in contact since you two were high school classmates, after all.” Uncle Jian’s tone was practically like he was marrying off his own daughter. “That lad has such a good temper. So, I gave him your phone number. You don’t have a boyfriend anyway, so just talk and socialize with him a bit. Who knows? Maybe you’ll make some relatives by marriage from this.”


Given that she and Jian Bianlin were standing at such a close distance and Uncle Jian certainly was speaking with more than ample breath support, it was impossible for Jian Bianlin not to hear, unless he was hard of hearing…

Chu Jian truly wished she could help this phone call to “accidentally” drop…

In front of her, the man who was holding her with one arm did not utter a word. Putting his face mask on once more, he pulled the brim of his cap slightly lower, released his arm’s hold on her, and turned, about to walk away. Chu Jian hurriedly stepped forward and grabbed his sleeve while saying into her phone, “Uncle, next time please don’t hand out my phone number so easily to someone. It’s such a hassle. I still have a meeting here that I need to get to, so I’m going to hang up first. Take care of yourself.”

Uncle Jian answered with an “Oh, oh, yes, yes,” and then cheerily ended the call.

“Don’t go,” Chu Jian blurted.

Pausing his steps, Jian Bianlin lowered his head to look at her hand that was grasping his sleeve.

“Jian Ge—” His assistant had actually arrived with the driver for a long time already, and after bearing through the wait for the two to finish with their snuggling, he only now dared to open his mouth and call them into the car. However, when he took another closer look and noticed that there clearly was something not quite right with the atmosphere, he pulled his head back and tried to inconspicuously hide himself away again. “There’s no hurry! Take your time talking!”

“Say something.” Chu Jian kept her voice low.

From this angle, she could see his eyes, but against the lights behind him, she could not tell what emotions were in them.

“You can’t blame me. Your dad is the one who gave my number to him. You heard it yourself,” she explained quietly.

Still, he did not speak, nor did he move.

“Hey, say something…” Chu Jian was starting to feel a little anxious.

The emotions that had been suppressed all these days, from when Uncle Jian was injured to now, all came gushing upwards. He’s being like this again. Again! He just says nothing. Nothing!

© 2013-2016 FANATICAL ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Translated with the express permission of the author for If you are not reading this from, then this translation has been posted without the permission of the translator. 

Jian Bianlin could sense that she was genuinely angry and brought his gaze back to land on her.

He acknowledged that his emotions had become unsettled the instant he heard that name. That was why his first instinct had been to turn around and go, to let himself calm down. Now…

“Jian Bianlin, do you think that I’m just really easy to bully around, and you can just do whatever you feel like?” Chu Jian was finally unable to repress herself anymore, and those words that had been hidden in her heart for so many years now all came spilling out. There was some anxiety, but mainly, it was a sense of feeling wounded and treated unfairly. “It’s not like I’ve done anything to wrong you. Back then, you wanted to beat him up, and you just went ahead and beat him up. I even had to go to the hospital to beg them for you. In the end, everything was fine for you. You were still loved by teachers and chased after by all the girls. But what about me? What did my senior year of high school end up being like? Then afterward, when you went to university, what right did you have to say that I was the one who made you feel all lovelorn? It’s not like I ever agreed to be with you. But there you were, abandoning yourself to wallow in your misery. Who were you trying to show that to? Weren’t you just putting up that good show for your dad and my parents to watch so that I would give? Fine, then. I did promise you that I would give you time to adjust, that I wouldn’t get a boyfriend and allow you to forget your feelings for me first. But you always just trick me. This time was the same… It was because you’re sick, and then you said you wanted us to be together, so we’re together; you just wanted to kiss me and then you kissed me; you wanted to suddenly get mad at me, and now you’re mad at me.”

This was probably the biggest outburst of anger she had ever had in her entire life, but even now, she was still restraining her voice, fearful that any passerby might hear.

She finished firing off all her words in succession but was still fuming. Striding over to a corner of the building, she faced the wall in a huff, her cheeks burning hot.

The anger still had not eased. She gave a kick at the wall.

But that fierce kick ended up landing on his right foot that he unexpectedly extended out. She was wearing sandals, so when her toes suddenly jammed into his white sneakers, her brow immediately crumpled deeply in pain.

Jian Bianlin wordlessly reached out his hand and patted her head of short locks. Through the dark curtain of the night, his voice, a little muffled, could be heard saying, “There are people looking at us.”

She paused in shock for a moment. Completely forgetting about being angry, she glanced at a spot not far away. It did seem that some of the tourists had recognized Jian Bianlin and had now stopped to watch…

“There are people! Why aren’t you getting in the car, then? …”

© 2013-2016 FANATICAL ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Translated with the express permission of the author for If you are not reading this from, then this translation has been posted without the permission of the translator.

[1] Referring to Spectre, the James Bond film that was released in November 2015. In China, its opening date was November 12, 2015.

© 2013-2016 FANATICAL ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Translated with the express permission of the author for If you are not reading this from, then this translation has been posted without the permission of the translator.

Additional Comments:

I’m guessing that a lot of you liked that kiss, but the highlight for me really was Chu Jian’s outburst. I thoroughly enjoyed translating it, trying to capture those emotions that came out in a gush. When I was doing the translation, the feeling I was trying to capture was similar to a dam that had a crack in it. The crack began many years ago, perhaps as early as that kiss on the ferry and certainly with that school fight, but it had merely been patched haphazardly to give the semblance that the dam—their relationship—was fine on the outside. Every little problem in their relationship, which doesn’t have to be big, is like a disturbance in the water that puts pressure on that crack, but then she simply slaps a band-aid on it and continues to pretend that everything is okay. Finally, Uncle Jian tossed out something that caused a slightly bigger ripple… and the band-aids wouldn’t hold. Whoooosh! The frustration is real, some of it from years back, some of it from two minutes ago, but it had been building for a long time and has now all come out randomly and chaotically.

I think part of the reason for the rift between them over all these years was that Chu Jian has never expressed the hurt that she experienced from that fight, that everything went according to his will, but in the end, she was the one who seemed to bear most of the consequences. “Back then, you wanted to beat him up, and you just went ahead and beat him up. I even had to go to the hospital to beg them for you. In the end, everything was fine for you. You were still loved by teachers and chased after by all the girls. But what about me? What did my senior year of high school end up being like?” I actually think that Jian Bianlin did not “put on a show” in university about having “broken up with his girlfriend.” He was genuinely saddened about the increasing distance between Chu Jian and himself, as well as feeling guilty, for he did know that the fight had affected Chu Jian. “He knew that at that time, Chu Jian had been very severely excluded by their classmates, and so gradually, her temper and spiritedness had been worn away. She later went to Hainan, and he would secretly go there and watch her as she attended class. Still, she would sit on her own in the back row, without a single person around her. That had all been his fault. He wanted her to go back to being what she used to be like.” I actually don’t even think Chu Jian is necessarily convinced that Jian Bianlin was putting on a show either, just that unspoken hurts held inside will fester and can cause you to view everything with a negative spin, especially when it comes to the person who caused that hurt. I’m not saying Chu Jian is holding a grudge, just simply that she hasn’t been able to move on because she’s never been able to vent all those feelings.

I personally think that this is an important step for Chu Jian toward healing her heart. An apology, though it would be nice, I think, is not what she needs most for moving on. The feeling of being alone with no one to hear what she felt, was the greatest wound. I recently read a line somewhere, and now I paraphrase (since I can’t remember it exactly): “Hurts that are not shown on the face can only sink and cut into the heart.” Speaking it aloud now, not having to repress it anymore, is finally taking off the pressure that has been on her heart so the wound on it can heal. And then, she can finally be well enough to truly repair the dam.

Anyway, that was the thought process of your translator when she was translating that one paragraph where Chu Jian “lost it.” 😉



1 of 1 Prologue
15 of 36 Chapter segments
0 of 1 Epilogue


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54 thoughts on “My Darling (我的曼达林) — Chapter 5.1

  1. So short, now i just have to wait till saturday i guess. Thank u hoju for translating this interesting story

    • It was one of the shorter chapters this time. The next one is definitely longer.

      Thanks for reading. 🙂

  2. And then the dam broke . . .


    There are a lot of feelings being shown in thias chapter. And i do agree with you Hoju, Chu Jian’s outburst outshined the kiss scene. They can atleast start being truthful and more open this way. Looking forward to MORE!! 😉😉

    Thanks for your efforts Hoju!! 😊😊

    • Indeed. From the surprise of the kiss to the awkwardness caused by Uncle Jian’s call to the nervousness over Jian Bianlin’s reaction. Finally, everything all culminated into that outburst.

      Don’t worry. There will be other kiss scenes. 🙂

  3. Thanks for your great work. I always enjoy your work. And i feel good for this chapter coz holding everything inside and not talking about it is not my forte 😊😊

    • Thank you for your kind words. 🙂

      I think there was a sense of relief. I felt like there was finally an outlet for some of that tension I’ve been feeling since the beginning of the story.

  4. As always Thanks for the chapter, what a perfect line. Thank you.

  5. in her outburst. Chujian is finally communicating more- thats the best way forward for both of them. Thankyou for today’s chapter. xoxo

    • Even if they weren’t trying to start a relationship, it was definitely a necessary step for Chu Jian, I think. She needed to get those feelings out of her heart.

      You’re welcome!

  6. Chu Jian’s outburst made me cheer! Finally, she’s communicating!

  7. I like your comments about this chapter, I totally agree with it. and I think it’s the best for CJ to burst out her feelings so JBL will understand her innerself. Step by step their past dilemmas are gradually solved and answered. I am 😊 there is a happy and argue moment at the same time

    • Thanks for reading my comments. 🙂

      I think that, regardless of whether she’s in a relationship with Jian Bianlin or not, these words needed to be said. I think *she* needed to get all of that off her chest because they have been weighing her down for years now. She can’t get past the psychological hurt that was inflicted back in high school because she’s been internalizing everything. Of course, now that she has chosen to be with Jian Bianlin, even more so, it needed to come out so that she can heal, so that every time it looks at him, her view won’t be obscured by the hurts from years back.

      Healthy relationships always have arguments. The important piece is they can learn from them. 🙂

  8. Thanks for the translation!
    I loved CJ’s burst of anger. I’m starting to get frustrated with JB though, cause he never really communicates -.-
    He internalizes all his thoughts because he doesn’t wanna bother anyone, but I feel frustrated with CJ because how is she supposed to know what he’s thinking? She’s feeling pressured by the lack of verbal communication, and that also built up over the years.
    I really hope JB learns to talk more, or at least find some way to express himself to CJ.

    • Haha, did you read my introductory words for this novel? I stated my frustrations there. Chu Jian frustrated me at the beginning because I really wanted to tell her, “Everything’s not okay, and you don’t have to pretend it is.” Then, I wanted to tell Jian Bianlin to stop walking away from everything and say something. Will he improve? He will always be a man of few words, but I think he will learn to use other things to express what he needs to.

      But like I said in my introduction, this isn’t completely a fluffy story. It’s about two people who have very obvious (and at times, frustrating!) flaws who come together. 🙂 Kind of like any one of us out in this world, eh? 😉

      Thanks for reading!

  9. You always get the tone and the tenor of MFBF’s novels right, hoju! Your translations are so damn perfect: they’re the best!
    Chu Jian’s burst feels so naturally set here… it comes right after they share a moment. It shows that no feelings, good or bad, should be suppressed.

    • Aaaaw… thanks! That’s very sweet. Definitely not perfect, but I try. Thank you for all the kind encouragement.

      Yes, that’s what I love. The outburst did not arise because the author deemed that it should go here. It came very naturally from the moment. I love how her outburst sounds like someone who has just “lost it,” that it’s not perfectly scripted but spills out randomly, pulling things from nearly ten year ago and then in the next breath, talking about the kiss he stole a few minutes ago.

      And especially, something should not be suppressed for almost a decade.

  10. Thank you. Glad they are finally talking.

    • You’re welcome. 🙂 They have some ways to go before real understanding, but it’s definitely heading in the right direction!

  11. Thank you for the chapter and the insights at the end. I used to feel bad for JBL.. unrequited love is so painful , but CJ has my sympathy now. Truly she didn’t ask for his attention or affections , but she had to pay a price for it. In her mind , I guess she feels he got away scotfree while she was left bearing the brunt of his actions. Looking forward to how they resolve this … does just airing out her long held grievances start the healing process ?

    • Thank you for reading my ramblings. 🙂

      I still do feel bad for Jian Bianlin, but Chu Jian really did have it tough, too. When I first started this translation, I was a little nervous that people might be turned off by Chu Jian for treating Jian Bianlin so aloofly and not be able to get to all the details as to why and what she had felt. I’m glad to hear that you are feeling for her.

      I think so. One of the most important part of healing is to acknowledge the hurt in the first place, I think. And letting herself cry about it, get mad about it, and just yell it out is releasing the tension that she has been internalizing.

  12. JBL omg, why are you like a block of wood…thank goodness you’re good looking…although how far can just having looks get you in a relationship…so lacking in communication skills even with someone who is your childhood friend and your love. I hope he will start being open and honest with his feelings more, when he opens up, she actually feels more for him. CJ is such a patient person really…

    • LOL. Yes, Jian Bianlin’s expressionless face is at times like a block of wood. As for his ability to woo a girl… *sigh*

      It’s precisely because she’s his childhood friend and love that things have deteriorated to this point. He’s been so scared of doing the wrong thing, to push her completely away and kill what they have, that he’d rather have their relationship on life support. He was never willing to take the risk of all or nothing. However, I do agree that he has flaws. Whether you like him in spite of those flaws is a matter of preference. His good looks mean nothing to me. His faithfulness and silent love touched some hearts and people could sympathize with him while acknowledging that he messes up, too. But that may not be your cup of tea. 😉

      Chu Jian is extremely patient. 🙂 However, I believe patience is not what necessarily allowed Jian Bianlin to stay by her side all these years. She really doesn’t want to lose this person whom she treats as family, either, regardless of what their relationship may be.

      Thanks for the comment!

  13. Thank you so much Hoju!!! 😘😘😘 glad they have movement, can’t wait for next chapter.

    • You’re welcome! I think it’s so crucial for Chu Jian to do this, if not for their relationship, then for herself. 🙂 Next chapter soon!

  14. The uncle is such a killjoy 😅😅.
    And what they need is more understanding each other and tell what feeling in their deepest heart.

    • Poor Uncle. Didn’t even know he ruined the moment for his son. 😂

      They’ve been focused so much on their own feelings all these years. Even Jian Bianlin, who loved Chu Jian for so long, stayed by her side because it’s what he wanted. Trying to think from the other’s perspective is going to take some learning.

  15. Thank you for the new chapter!
    I agree 100% with your comments, haha~
    See, Chu Jian’s such a saint! But finally she exploded, because this’ll be the first step to better their communication. I do feel bad and root for JB, but at the same time I feel a lot more for CJ because I understand her anger. If JB doesn’t improve his communication skill, he’ll hurt CJ 😦

    • You’re welcome!

      She is one kind, compassionate friend, but, nah, she’s not a saint. Staying silent about past hurts isn’t always the right thing to do. She is scared of hurting people’s feelings but sometimes, keeping it all in only translates to hurting yourself and the other party anyway. Honestly, though, Chu Jian is someone who speaks what she thinks normally, so in some ways, I think her silence has hurt her doubly because it’s not the way she normally processes emotions and thoughts.

      In honesty, you can sympathize with both but both could have did things better, too. They’re definitely not perfect characters.

      Thanks for reading!

  16. It was like a burst of emotion by Chu Jian and you translated it so well that somehow I can resonate to her pain too while reading it. Ah, she finally expressed what she actually felt after all these years.
    I can actually picture such scene in my head and what a turn of emotion when she suddenly went to the wall (cute CJ) and accidentally kicked Jian Bailin’s shoes instead.

    I can’t wait to see how Jian Bailin will handle this matter. It always comes back to communication and knowing his personality, that probably will take some time.

    I’m not sure if Chu Jian actually willing to be kissed..not saying Jian Bailin forced her or something. I’m looking forward to see the kiss where both have confirmed their feelings to each other haha

    Uncle Jian….is adorable.

    • Aaaaw, thank you. I’m so glad you caught the emotions in that because I’m sure that’s what the author was trying to convey. LOL. That’s true; that is such a cute action. This is one of the biggest bursts of anger that she’s ever had in her whole life, and she still was not mean or cutting in it. You can tell she’s such a kind person at heart, so even her normal reactions out of anger are to go huff at a wall.

      He isn’t good with words. My hubby is the same. LOL. Those people tend to turn to action as their means of communication. 😉

      She definitely was not prepared for it, and it was not one of those where the girl’s heart flutters and she can’t help letting herself sink into the kiss. But, notice she didn’t freak out like she did on the ferry either? 😉

      Oh, I promise you’ll have one (or more) of those confirmed-feeling kisses. Hehehe

      Uncle Jian’s adorableness will come out later, too.

  17. Thank you Hoju!

  18. Thanks for the update and I like your little insight into the chapter too!
    You did a great job with the translation it really did feel like a broken-dam-moment. Chu Jian’s outburst was so refreshing, like as if I was the one with the repressed feelings all these years haha. Definitely a big reason behind why these two grew awkward with each other was due to lack of communication, causing all these small things to build up and create distance . Looking forward to seeing how their relationship progresses from this moment 🙂

    • Thank you for reading. 🙂

      So glad to hear that the translation of that moment could resonate with you. It was a very real reaction, and I was really hoping readers could feel it. 🙂

      Definitely agree with you. As well, I feel these two are not used to looking at things from the other person’s perspective. If Chu Jian can do that, she’ll realize how much love Jian Bianlin has for her and won’t just feel awkward. If Jian Bianlin can do that, he won’t need to step so tentatively and can see that Chu Jian needs time and space for processing. Actually, they’ve both already started moving in that direction, just still learning. 🙂

  19. Show JBL that you’re not a simple pushover!

    • I don’t think Jian Bianlin ever treated her as a pushover. He never tried to take advantage of her, just that he is so terrible with words he doesn’t know how to express the remorse that he feels.

  20. I like this chapter, especially CJ. But i wonder, what’s his response besides telling her there are some people watching them, hhaha.

    I know Hoju only translated a HE novel, i feel relief lols.
    Hmm… with JBL’s personality, i dont think he will give any room for that XJ to get closer to his woman. Probably, he will tell him personally. Who knows. Or CJ tells him by herself. I dont care about that XJ cuz i know, 3rd person is nothing in MBFB’s novels, but… i want to see the jealousy JBL claiming CJ as her gf or even fiancee, lols.

    And their parents’ reaction when they know that this two dating each other, haha.

    Well, i am such an imaginary person. Everytime i read a story, i would imagine an actor playing this character. Yang Yang will be perfect, haha.

    Btw, MBFB is writing a drama script… when i saw her name, i remember you, hoju. and of course, ‘My Darling’ 😀

    Thanks as always ^^

    • Oh Yui, I love how you’re always imagining what is going to happen. You know MBFB well. Third parties don’t even make a blip on the disturbance meter. As for jealous Jian Bianlin… 😉

      Oh, parents… hahahaha!

      She’s got three dramas that are in the works. Which one are you referring to, or are you asking about all of them?

      You’re welcome!

  21. Agree with you totally, the outburst is long overdue. They need to sit down and talk openly. Both need to start learning how to voice their inner thoughts, concerns and feelings. I can’t wait to read the rest about their remaining journey to strengthen their love to each other.

    Thanks so much for the translation, dearie… ❤❤❤

    • I think that outburst was a healthy step for them, regardless if they are to be a couple or not. Chu Jian needed to get that out for her own healing. And even if they aren’t to be a couple, for their friendship, this should come out. 🙂

      Thanks for reading. 🙂

  22. FINALLY! I agree with your thoughts on this chapter. I’m just glad that she finally talks about how she feels!

    Thanks for the chapter.

  23. Thank you for the chapter~

  24. Hehehe – one of my favourite phrases to yell at drama characters is “use your words!!” because it frustrates me so much when problems can be solved by actually talking about them. I think you perfectly captured that torrent of emotion and anger pouring out from Chu Jian – where you don’t really think about what you’re saying because it just all comes out like a dam bursting. Thank you for the chapter!!

  25. Yes, frustration needs to be spoken, otherwise it never goes away. I thought the best part was the kick.

  26. I’m glad she finally took the bull by its horn.

  27. I’m happy that she finally “lost it” lol. Thanks hoju ❤

  28. Just wanna know what anime did u get that muni clip?

  29. I am glad for CJ’s outburst.

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