Fanatical

Fangirling Chinese Novels

The Healing Sunshine (一厘米的阳光) — Chapter 13.2

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That fight from earlier in the year still has its impact. 😦 And Xixi’s tears are probably one of the only things that can cause Jì Chengyang to lose his rationality.

Chapter 13.2 — Hidden in the Depths of the Heart (2)

This story was translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. All forms of reproduction, redistribution, or reposting are not authorized. If you are not reading this from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com, the copy is unauthorized and has been taken without consent of the translator.

 

She discovered a very subtle coincidence. These two characters both started with a pie stroke and then a heng stroke. It was merely that for one of them, the strokes were separate, while for the other, they were joined[1]. And these two characters were written on the blackboard of her primary school classroom. On this blackboard, there had once been written the many English vocabulary words and mathematical formulas that she had learned. But now, there were only his and her surnames.

“Mm-hmm.” Jǐ Yi blew out a light breath, feeling even that her heart was aching slightly from its pounding. “Those… are the two characters that I wanted to write.”

With a chuckle, Jì Chengyang set the yellow chalk back into the chalkholder ledge and then lifted his wrist.

He was checking the time.

She was very familiar with this action, and so, also complying with his intention, she began searching for a chalkboard eraser. She was unable to find one, though. How could there only be chalk and no eraser? Turning around, she moved to go rummage through the drawers that were off of the podium, but Jì Chengyang pulled her back. “There’s no need to wipe it. In just a bit, I’ll lock the door, and then no one will be able to see it.”

Not wipe it?

But…

Jì Chengyang gave her a gentle pat on her back, indicating that she could leave. Feeling somewhat guiltily apprehensive, Jǐ Yi threw one final glance at the characters on the blackboard but then still obediently left this classroom. Jì Chengyang closed the door shut behind him and, with a click, slid the lock into place. Everything that had happened tonight seemed like a secret that was now locked behind this door.

<>Copyright of Fanatical, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com only.

By the time Jì Chengyang drove her back to Fuzhong, it was already nine o’clock.

“I’ll bring you to the school’s front gates?”

Jǐ Yi thought briefly, then shook her head. “I’ll just walk back myself. The overpass and roads are all really busy, so it’ll be really safe.”

Hopping off the car, Jǐ Yi circled over to the driver’s side window and said goodbye to him. Then with her backpack on her back, she strode up alone onto the pedestrian overpass. His arm resting on the ledge of the completely open car window, he watched her through the windshield as she step by step walked up the red staircase of the overpass and then slowly, without a sideways glance, passed the stalls that were laid out on the ground and selling CDs, dolls, and other random goods.

Well, not quite completely without a sideways glance. She would always look over to this place, at this spot where the car was.

Jì Chengyang pulled off his cap, tossed it onto the front passenger seat, and leaned back into his seat, his fingers idly tapping against the metal car body on the outside of the door. For those who have experienced war and gunfire, a year’s journey seems to speed swiftly by and can overtake ten years, even twenty, of a normal person’s life. His hope was that he would see peace. He hoped that all death in the world would no longer have anything to do with guns and cannons. He hoped that one day, in the lens of his camera, all that would be seen were simple scenes of happiness.

Just like right now, this moment in which this little lady, who was not fully mature yet—this little lady whom he loved—was walking on this ordinary overpass in Beijing and continually sneaking peeks at him.

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Jì Chengyang watched Jǐ Yi disappear around the corner of an intersection, and then he finally left. Half an hour later, he arrived at the television station and attended a regular meeting. After this usual, routine meeting came to an end, everyone laughed and bantered around for a while before each began preparing for his or her subsequent work. When Jì Chengyang had strode out the front doors and taken two steps down the stairs, a voice called out to him from behind.

Liu Wanxia soon hurried out from inside of the glass doors. “My goodness, I’ve been chasing you the whole way and called you three, four times, but you didn’t hear me.”

Beside them, some people walked by and greeted Liu Wanxia with smiles. She was a warm, easygoing, and friendly woman. For this type of person, when you add a classy and beautiful face to her, she will always be popular, no matter where she is. Jì Chengyang remembered, since high school, her “specialty” was in receiving awards. But though they were high school schoolmates, in reality, he was not well acquainted with Liu Wanxia.

Liu Wanxia came over to him and, smiling, told him about something entertaining that she had just come across. It seemed that anything she described would become especially vivid and interesting. She was indeed a woman born to be a newscaster.

“I heard you’re going to go on a talk show?” Holding her crossbody bag in her hand, she walked with him to where vehicles were parked. Jì Chengyang was surprised by her question. This matter had only been confirmed a few hours ago.

“Yes, I did agree to one program, because their topic will be on war correspondents, and they also invited several veterans in the field whom I very much respect.”

A smile on her face, Liu Wanxia asked, “Since you mentioned war zones, what are your plans? You can’t spend your whole life going to those places, right?”

“For the time being, I don’t have any plans that are too long-term.” What he was doing had never needed any long-term career plans. Since he had chosen the war zones, that meant he would not need to really consider any sort of real-world, practical questions, such as seniority, promotions, or other such things.

“This is… the hero complex that’s hereditary in your family?”

Jì Chengyang smiled.

Pointing at his own car, he said, “I’ve arrived.”

Liu Wanxia gave an “Ah?” as she suddenly realized that she was so far away from the station, having walked with him all the way to the parking lot by the nearby community compound…

“Why’d I come here? I didn’t drive today.” With a laugh, she looked very directly at Jì Chengyang. “The place where I need to go is really close to your home and is also right on the Third Ring Road. Would it be on the way for you to give me a ride?”

Jì Chengyang had no preference one way or the other. Taking out his car key from his pocket, he motioned for her to get into the car.

Liu Wanxia placed much care on the future career plans of Jì Chengyang, this old schoolmate of hers. As the car drove forward along the wide roadway, she began to analyze for him the current state of affairs that he did not know about at the television station. Jì Chengyang knew her intentions were kind. Naturally, he also could perceive, when she spoke to him, the faintly discernible trace of desire within her eyes to move things between them to the next step.

<>Copyright of Fanatical, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com only.

It was not that he was unaware of those little thoughts that Liu Wanxia held.

There are some people who like to steadily plan out every part of their life. In their peacetime city, they like to use many concrete, tangible things—whether a person has a subdued, staid personality or an outgoing one; whether or not his or her parents are still alive and of good health, or perhaps whether there are any relatives in the family whose backgrounds will be a burden or a supporting asset; whether or not the other party’s job is stable and, furthermore, has potential for continuous progression, etc.—to select their love relationship, or perhaps, to put it more bluntly, to select their mate.

There is nothing wrong with that.

For instance, right now, in this moment, he could sense that this beautiful woman beside him was using the most universal of methods to plan out for him a stable career for the future. Jì Chengyang had never been averse to realists, but he still persisted in being an idealist. In this world, there are extreme realities, and there are extreme dreams and ideals.

Even if the number of people who persevere in the latter were only one out of ten million, the significance of that one person’s existence has already surpassed the length of his life.

……

<>Please read this translation at its actually site of posting, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com, instead. Thank you.

In the rearview mirror, Jì Chengyang checked the traffic conditions behind him. Turning the steering wheel, he pulled the car to a stop under Jishuitan Bridge. “The street in front of the entrance to my home is very quiet, and it’s quite difficult to catch a cab there. It’ll be a little easier for you if I let you off here at this intersection.”

Liu Wanxia felt somewhat caught in an embarrassing predicament. According at least to a normal person’s thought process, if she had already stated that she was going somewhere that was close to his home, Jì Chengyang should politely ask her where that place was, and if it was close, he should even more so demonstrate the manner that a man should possess by personally bringing her there. These thoughts flew swiftly through Liu Wanxia’s mind, but on her face, there was merely a light smile. Then, she unfastened her seatbelt, her motions somewhat slow.

This top student, who had sat in the very back row since high school, had never been quite the same as everyone else, and to this day, this was still so.

“My [maternal] aunt’s home is here. I may stay here for the night.” Liu Wanxia’s voice was soft and gentle, like water. “I remember Shang Ke and those guys all live somewhere around here. How about all of us old schoolmates get together and have lunch at noon tomorrow?”

The glow of lights inside the car was very warm and highlighted his eyes so that they looked clear and luminous.

He was smiling, something that was seldom seen, genuinely smiling as he said, “I really may not have time tomorrow. I need to go with my girlfriend to register for an exam.”

He could not really say why he had said that out. It was likely because this type of atmosphere from Liu Wanxia as she tried to maintain aloofness, worried that he might see through her thoughts but also wanting to get closer to him, caused the memory to suddenly come strongly at him of that little lady who only tonight had sat in this same front passenger seat and had unfastened her seatbelt, gotten off the car, and then deliberately circled around to the window on his side to bid him goodbye.

Some deliberate actions are very wonderful, and some deliberate actions are tedious and bothering to you.

The criterion against which this evaluation is made has absolutely no relation to any matters or things and has only to do with whom you love.

<>Please read this translation at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com instead. Thank you.

The next morning, Jǐ Yi awoke especially early. Setting the mirror on the windowsill, she carefully brushed her hair and looked at her face in the mirror, making sure every detail was just right. Then, slowly, she exhaled a breath. Why was she so nervous?

Behind her, Yin Qingqing, carrying her face-washing basin and towel, walked in and was tickled. “What are you nervous about? It’s just registration for a foreign small languages program, right? You aren’t even taking the exam yet and your heart’s already starting to pound like it’s a drum?

Jǐ Yi sighed. “I don’t know.”

When she said this, there was a sense of apprehension and uncertainty in her heart.

She had never even been so lacking in confidence during the times when she was performing with the orchestra, with this feeling of being unsettled and insecure.

<>Copyright of Fanatical, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com only.

Later, when she was sitting in Jì Chengyang’s car, her eyes staring at the streetscape outside the window, that feeling still persisted. The sun shone brilliantly. Almost like flowing water, people and scenery slid by again and again in her gaze. With her cheek against her seatback, she stared vacantly for a while. All of a sudden, she detected something peculiar. She turned slightly towards the seatback and sniffed… It was a particularly sweet type of scent.

She was simply too accustomed to sitting in this seat, so she was able to detect even the slightest change in it, especially since only one night had passed. Jǐ Yi continued looking out the window, involuntarily sketching out in her mind an image of the owner of this fragrance. Gradually, her mood grew even more downcast.

Jì Chengyang parked the car nearby and wanted to bring her inside.

“I’ll go in myself,” Jǐ Yi told him. “I come here often just to hang out and play, so I know how to get to the Red Building[2].”

Thinking about it briefly, Jì Chengyang also found nothing the matter with this. “I’ll go buy some stuff. You go in yourself and register. I’ll wait outside the Red Building for you in a bit.”

Jǐ Yi gave an “mm-hmm.”

Getting out of the car, she walked onwards along the main street.

Though she did occasionally come here just for fun, now, as someone who wanted to study here, her mindset and mood were completely different. The first time she stepped foot in here, the way she looked upon this place had been no different than how she viewed that military compound that she had lived in since she was a child, both of them having a wall that encircled within it many scenes that people on the outside could not see. Or perhaps it could be said, it had been really no different from a park.

But now, it was different.

She wanted, through this place, to be another step closer to him.

Registrants had already formed a long queue. Jǐ Yi went to the end of the line, but before she had even stood there for one minute, there were already more than twenty people behind her. She looked to the back, then to the front, and to her surprise, she spotted a fellow Fuzhong schoolmate from a different class.

The other person also caught sight of her, as did the parent who had come with that schoolmate.

Jǐ Yi was part of the school orchestra and had also belonged to the advanced science stream class, so sometimes during grade-wide parent meetings, her name would be specially mentioned and commended. Most of the students in her grade as well as their parents and guardians therefore knew this name.

She suddenly grew panicked, for in that instant, she thought of something.

“Isn’t that person over there the one in your school who got in the gang fight?” That schoolmate’s parent looked down and asked her own child this. “How come she wasn’t expelled?”

“Oh, her…” That student very truthfully answered, “Mom, lower your voice. She got demerits taken. They say the principal approved a special exception for her.”

That woman frowned, rather unable to comprehend this. By chance, another parent behind them asked some questions out of curiosity, and as a result, this parent stated a few sentences matter-of-factly. “Gathered people together for a gang fight and then beat a kid until he was half dead. Reportedly, all the students and teachers got a huge scare that day. All these years, Fuzhong has never had that sort of violent incident occur. I thought a student like that would have been expelled a long time ago. Who would have thought that the school’s still keeping her there? … Don’t they say these key universities don’t accept students who have black marks on their records?”

All gazes, from parents as well as from students, were cast in her direction.

Curious. Inquiring. Some people staring openly at her, some stealing evasive looks.

In an instant, she had become the focal point.

It was such a long line. There were so many people. She became increasingly at a loss over what to do.

“Yeah. Even if she applies and and passes the exam, at the end when she’s accepted and then they pull her student record, won’t her acceptance just be retracted again?”

Her head was lowered. That was not true. She had not gathered people and instigated a gang fight. She was a victim, too. What they were all saying was not the truth… Yet, it was also the truth. She was the one who had been disciplined.

<>Please support this translation by reading it at its actual site of posting, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com, instead. Thank you.

Jǐ Yi’s left hand was gripping her right one tightly.

Gathering people and instigating a gang fight was not the truth, but demerits on her individual student record were.

She had completely forgotten about this point, forgotten that even if she passed the written examination and interview, once her student record was examined, this place still would not accept her. She could only… wait until before the college entrance examinations, when her student record was rewritten.

The principal had given her the promise that as long as she abided by the rules this whole time and caused no more trouble, before the college entrance examinations, she would have a new, clean student record.

However, in terms of getting into these types of university majors that were enrolling students in advance, she had no hope.

<>Copyright of Fanatical, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com only.

There were too many gazes and discussions, curious queries and questions, until eventually, even the teacher responsible for maintaining order during the registration process came over and inquired about the situation.

She heard someone’s voice answering.

And then she heard that teacher give an “oh” and mutter, “For a student in that sort of circumstance, even if she applies, if we see demerits when we evaluate her student record… we indeed won’t accept her.”

She did not continue listening. With both her hands clutching her backpack straps, she left this registration queue. She walked slowly along the perimeter of Weiming Lake, wanting to leave this place, to get away from this school campus. But after walking and walking, she stopped. She did not know where to go.

The May air already carried the testy heat of early summer.

Jǐ Yi did not know where she had walked. Around her, there were young people, male and female, some wearing short-sleeved tops, some still clothed in long-sleeved button-up shirts but with the sleeves rolled up because of the heat. Only now did she feel she was hot. She was wearing the uniform of Fuzhong High School, the spring/autumn style, and her back was already completely soaked, while her forehead was slick with perspiration.

Until, in her sight, Jì Chengyang approached her.

“You’re done registering?” he asked her.

She gazed at him, her nose tingling, not saying a word. In reality, it was because she was afraid that the instant she spoke, she would cry.

Jì Chengyang very keenly perceived that there was something not right about her. Without speaking as well, he merely took her hand and left this place. He had parked the car on a street outside of the south gate. “Wait for me here. Don’t go anywhere. I’m going to drive the car over.”

She did not utter a sound, and hence he did not move either.

After some time, she at last opened her mouth, saying equivocally, “I didn’t register. I can’t take the foreign small languages program… What am I going to do?” Tears unwittingly began to cascade down. Still holding on to some hope in her heart, she stood before him and softly asked, “How about we go to BFSU [Beijing Foreign Studies University] and give it a try there? What is BFSU’s registration date? Do you know? I didn’t check…”

She did not want to cry, but when she saw him, she only knew to cry.

In front of all those people, she was able to not cry. In front of her own family members, she was able to not cry. But so long as she saw Jì Chengyang, it was as if her tear glands had been broken open, and all her tears would come gushing out. She finally understood that people have always been like this, that only in front of those who are truly good to us will we be most vulnerable.

 

There were not many people here, but when those who were coming and going saw a young girl crying to a man, there was always someone who would cast a sideways glance.

Jì Chengyang felt that curbed at the bottom of his heart was an unexplainable, indescribable burning anger that had no outlet that could allow it to extinguish. “Wait here for me. Make sure you don’t move.” He absolutely needed to take her away from this place, but he also dared not move at all.

“Mm-hmm.” She promised him, “I’ll wait for you.”

At this moment, a taxi drove out from the school grounds. It was unoccupied. Without thinking at all, Jì Chengyang flagged it down and brought Jǐ Yi into the cab. He could not bother to care about going to get his own car. He would just let it be parked like that there. Right now, he needed to bring her home.

<>This is a copy taken from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Please read it over at that site instead. Thank you.

When they arrived at his home, Jǐ Yi still had not caught on that Jì Chengyang had left his car in the Haidian District and just brought her back like this.

As she followed him in through the door, her brain was filled only with thoughts of, what if there were other impacts; what should she do? What if when she was registering for her college entrance exams, the same situation occurred, then what should she do? What should she do if those people were still going to mention her demerits?

Walking behind him, she stepped into the home and set her schoolbag on the small upholstered chair in the entrance hallway.

Jì Chengyang bent down and, from the cabinet, brought out the slippers that she always wore, setting them by her feet. Lifting his head, he finally saw that her eyes were swollen and frightfully red.

She began to ramble murmuringly, wanting to ask him what to do.

But before the words had even left her, she felt him pressing down heavily on her lips. Something exploded in her mind. She was completely stunned. On her face, there were still tears rolling down, moistening both their lips. Jǐ Yi could muddledly hear that all the sounds of thud, thud, like a beating drum, were coming from her own chest. Until Jì Chengyang, holding both her shoulders, slowly pulled himself away.

She was still dazed. All she could see was Jì Chengyang; she could see his dark eyes also gazing unblinkingly at her.

As if, at any time, he would draw close to her again.

Yet also, as if he would absolutely not draw closer again.

<>Copyright of Fanatical, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com only.

[1]In Chinese writing, the pie stroke, also called the “throw away” stroke, is a stroke that slants downwards towards the left with a slight curve to it. The heng stroke, which means “horizontal stroke,” is made from left to right. Both 季 Jì and 纪 Jǐ start off with a pie and then a heng.

For Jì Chengyang’s surname, 季, the two strokes are separate.

季, Jì Chengyang’s surname (Image credit: hanzi5.com)

For Jǐ Yi’s surname, 纪, the two strokes are joined.

纪, Jǐ Yi’s surname (Image credit: hanzi5.com)

[2] 红楼 “hong lou.” Known in English as Peking University’s “Red Building,” “Red Mansion,” or simply “Honglou” this building was built in 1918 and was the site of Peking University’s old campus and library. The building itself is actually rich in history and played an important role in the roots of the Communist Party of China.

The Red Building in Peking University (Image credit: “The Red Building” by faungg’s photos, original posted in https://www.flickr.com/photos/44534236@N00/, image used under CC BY-ND 2.0)

This story was translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. All forms of reproduction, redistribution, or reposting are not authorized. If you are not reading this from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com, the copy is unauthorized and has been taken without consent of the translator.


Additional Comments:

Remember, Xixi once said to herself that she would never cry in front of Jì Chengyang. Back then, it was because she valued him very much, and hence, I believe, she did not want to cry in front of him, for fear that she would be a bother and turn him off. However, now, she is able to not cry in front of anyone… except Jì Chengyang. “She finally understood that people have always been like this, that only in front of those who are truly good to us will we be most vulnerable.” She finally has no fears of being vulnerable, that she is secure enough in her relationship with him that she is not afraid that she will be a bother to him if she cries. She knows he would never think that. He has truly become her harbour in times of storm. ❤

 

Completed:
31 of 69 Chapter segments
0 of 1 Epilogue

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26 thoughts on “The Healing Sunshine (一厘米的阳光) — Chapter 13.2

  1. This chapter is so sweet. He finally declared, out loud, that he loves JY, and JY is his girlfriend. And JY finally understand that the only person close to her that she can trust wholeheartedly is JCY. Aww… falling in love and being in love is always the best moment in one’s life. And the kiss… it’s a good way to end the chapter. And keep us, the reader, hanging…. duh.

    Many thanks, my dear~! *hugs*

    • Technically he never declared his love aloud. You had the privilege of seeing into his thoughts. 😉

      The kiss is definitely meant to be more a cliffhanger than a sweet moment. 🙂

      You’re welcome!

  2. Omg ,omg he kiss her ❤️❤️❤️

  3. I just hate how this people make her feel like she was the guilty one for that incident she was a victim !!

  4. ❤❤❤😚😚😚😍😍😍💑💑💑💏💏💏thank you do much awwww I am over the moon right now !!!!!!

  5. ❤❤❤💏💏💑💑💑😚😚😚😍😍😍 over the rainbow just to get a kiss of your lips!!!

  6. The first kiss😚 that was so unexpected😊

  7. I am so glad that JCY finally admits his feeling for JY instead of, turning a blind eye to it all…I hope some how somewhere that JY can enrol into an University by her abilities and not by what she had done which was very much a victim than an instigator.

    • I don’t think he ever turned a blind eye to it. She was always special to him, but it was not always the love that a man has a for a woman. A distinctive trait of Jì Chengyang is his decisiveness. He may wait for the right timing, but he doesn’t run from reality. 🙂
      The agreement has already been made that she will have a fresh student record at the time of college entrance exams. So though she can’t be enrolled in advance in anything, her education is in her own hands (literally, as her family doesn’t care at all) and her abilities. 🙂

  8. GOD DAMMIT WHY MUST THIS BE SO CUTE

  9. gossips, so poisonous! Poor Ji Yi. I hope she gets admitted into the course of her choice.
    Thanks for the instruction in pie and heng stroke. I heard there are four strokes. What are the other two called?

  10. Oh my,so sweet…. he can’t resist his little lady , thanks Hoju

  11. I liked lots of wordings in this chapter, about some deliberate actions being wonderful… and how we let out emotions in front of people who are good to us. And wow, nice surprise at the end 🙂.Wondering what they will talk after the kiss !! Waiting for Tuesday.
    Thank you for the chapter, Hoju 🙂.

    • Agreed! I love a lot of the thoughts and “philosophies” that come up in this one.
      The talk after the unintended kiss is very important. 😉
      You’re welcome!

  12. Waaaaa….soooo sweet!!
    Thanks for the chapter Hoju. I like your comment about this chapter, too.

  13. *setting off fireworks* while the sweetness is still there
    thank you

    • The kiss was unintended. I do think his thoughts prior, about how he already knows she is the little lady whom he loves, are very sweet!
      You’re welcome!

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