Fanatical

Fangirling Chinese Novels

Farewell

178 Comments

Hi everyone, please see below the cut.

🙂

Firstly, to everyone who wrote words of support and encouragement and love after my last post, thank you, thank you, thank you. I genuinely appreciate every word and cried reading your messages. ❤

 

Let me think about how I should begin this. (LOL… doesn’t this sound a bit like one of MBFB’s afterwords?)

I’m sure that after last week’s post, most of you gathered what my decision was going to be. Yes, I have decided that it is time for me to bow out from the translation scene, and that is effective immediately. I will not even be finishing the translation for Unsung Friends, despite my great, great love for that novel. When I told Peanuts what my decision would be, she asked me, are you sure? I took another week, even after my post last week, to make sure that in my heart of hearts this is what I believe is right for me to do. Ultimately this decision is for me and about me; however, so many of you have shown care and support, and I really wanted to give you some insight into what led to this.

(The rest are my personal thoughts. If you only wanted to know the decision, please feel free to skip the remainder of this.)

 

This decision has been harder for me than anyone may realize. Prior to November, I never thought that I would be discontinuing translating now, much less stopping in the middle of a story. Coming this May, it would have been 7 years that I’ve been posting here on Fanatical, first beginning as a guest translator with posting my translation of Really, Really Miss You and ultimately becoming a permanent fixture with many other translations that followed. (Hehe, Peanuts didn’t know what she was getting into when she invited me.) I’ve placed much of myself and my heart into my translations, because I love the process of translating itself, I love many of the messages expressed within the novels, and I loved sharing and the discussion with readers that ensued after each post. I have many, many fond memories that are a direct result of translating and the readers here.

Translation itself is a genuine passion of mine. I enjoy the process of letting the original words roll through my mind and experiencing the feelings those words give, and then expressing the whole package—the words, the atmosphere, the feelings—in a completely different language. The joy I feel from figuring out the perfect phrasing after being stuck on one passage for days is something I cannot even express to you guys. (Geeky, huh? Yeah, I admit it.)

 

In November I found out that someone had copied every single one of my completed translations on this site and is selling them on Amazon. I experienced a myriad of negative emotions when I learned of this: anger, obviously, but also sadness, disappointment, betrayal, and anxiety. The incident affected me more deeply than I really wish to admit, and it made me reflect on why and how something like this could do so. And this led me to the awareness that perhaps I needed to ponder on whether I truly still belong on the translation scene.

These last couple of years I have actually been working on my stress and anxiety levels. I have actually manifested physical symptoms associated with anxiety. The translation process itself—sitting down with the novel, pondering upon word choices, analyzing characters and trying to find wording that is consistent with the traits the author bestowed upon them—is a form of relaxation to me; I love it. But I’ve realized that posting has actually become more of a stressor to me. I don’t want to admit it, because it makes me feel I’m hypersensitive, that I have a “glass heart” that shatters so easily, but in reality I do get affected by the negatives (for example, plagiarism, unauthorized copying, discouraging comments, etc.) associated with posting, and it exacerbates any anxiety in me. At times, it can affect me for days at a time. (Posting is not in itself the source of anxiety, but it can amplify what I am feeling.) Hence, for myself, I need to remove myself from the stressors and remove the stressors from me.

Also, inside myself I feel that that posting just is not the right thing for me to do anymore; I have poured much of myself into this blog, and it is time for me to withdraw. Too much of my identity has been built into the 2D world, and upon reflection, I realize I have neglected parts of my life in the 3D world. (RRMY readers will know what I mean by 2D and 3D world. 😉 ) I need to put myself back into real life, my family, and myself. I have told you guys before: when all else fades away, there are not many things more precious than your loved ones and health.

So ultimately, the decision is not directly related to the Amazon incident. That incident served as, perhaps, a straw that broke the camel’s back. Or, more accurately, the catalyst that made me realize that it is the end of a season. Seasons can last longer—and I’ve had a great season here—but all seasons eventually come to an end.

 

I’ve cried over this decision. I asked my husband why it was so hard to make this decision, because to other people, it just means shutting down an Internet ID, right? He told me, it’s because I value what I have here. Dear readers, please know that I value you, value your comments of encouragement, value the time we spent together. I will always carry with me the memories of us, the ardent bunch, having enthusiastic debates about the characters in Beautiful Bones. I will always remember introducing ancient-style songs here to you guys and marvelling together at how beautiful the lyrics are. I will always smile when I think about how we laughed together as we experienced the stories together. And how some of you told me how encouraged you were by The Healing Sunshine and Together Forever that you felt you could face the troubles that life was throwing at you and you could continue pressing onward. And how you told me you looked forward to reading my posts because they brought a slice of solace and comfort in an otherwise hectic life.

What a privilege I have had that, through this bit of translation work, I was able to impart a little bit of something in you. I think that will be the piece that I will remember the most, that through this little blog, I was given the honour of being a part of your life for a little while. Mo Bao Fei Bao once said, the link between a writer (and in my case, a translator) and a reader is actually very fragile; only one side needs to walk away, to either stop writing or stop reading, and that link is severed. However, I also believe that in the process of reading, some things will forever stay with you, the feelings you as readers experienced when you read the story and also the way you, the readers, made me feel with your comments of encouragement and gratitude.

I don’t think I’ll stop translating for myself in private, but I think it’s time to allow the internet ID “Hoju,” the translator, to gradually fade, and I will make myself fade out from this blog. (I will begin this by removing all Unsung Friends posts from here.) It’s time for me to let go of the old and look forward to new beginnings. I believe there are good things in store for me. Will you believe that with me?

 

I can’t say for sure whether this goodbye is permanent. ( Who knows, I may come back with a little comment about the drama adaptation of Beautiful Bones.) I had “retired” from translating once before I came out of retirement and started translating here on Fanatical. Perhaps one day I will be back. Or perhaps not.

Regardless, the last thing that Hoju wants to leave now with all of you is this: Thank you, everyone, for all your support and more than 6 years of memories. I will miss you. Know that you are loved and valued and important. I pray that as you go through your journey of life, may you have peace and joy and may health be with you. Press on! I believe there are good things in store for each of you, too. God bless!

 

Cheers,
–H

 

The journey of life is shadowy and hard to tread, but press on and be honed with each step down its path.
— Mo Bao Fei Bao, from The Road Home

Even if there were but one centimetre of sunshine, it would still have its own searing heat.
— Mo Bao Fei Bao

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honourable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

178 thoughts on “Farewell

  1. Thank you very much for all the translations you have done and all the effort you put into running this site.

    hui3r introduced me to a lot of my feel good novels and I reread your translations now and then when I want to smile or cry over the angst that is Beautiful Bones. 🙂

    This is the first cnovel translation site that I can name off the top of my head and majority of that is beacause of your translations.

    I wish you the best. Thank you. ❤ ❤ ❤

  2. Thank you so much for your translations!!! I really enjoyed reading your translations and all the time that you took to make such good translations of the novels! I wish you the best for the future!

  3. Dear Hoju,
    I have always been a fan of your translations. I have always seen it as a literary work rather than translations. Every single one of your work I have read and always love them, for their feeding my mind and soul.
    Your decision to quit this translation world will be a momentum to reflect how important integrity and ethics in literature world.
    Thank you for all your hard work bringing beautiful stories for me as your reader, I really really appreciate your decision and values. Good luck in your 3D life…be happy Hoju!

  4. Thank you Hoju for your sharing & translation as can feel your passion through your translation work. I have enjoyed reading your translation. All the best to you and wish you good health and success with whatever you do. Take care.

  5. Dear Hoju… Take care! I wish you all the best! 💕

  6. Hoju,
    I haven’t been on wordpress for the longest time and had to update my password so I can say my “Thank you” to one of the kindest human beings. I’ve read pretty much every translated novel on Fanatical once they are done translating. I’m deeply saddened simply because I value your inputs on the novel. For instance, Beautiful Bones. You’ve added so much passion to the leading man, I don’t know if I truly like him because of your views or how the character is actually written…in truth he is such a mysterious guy. I do hope you come back and review the live adaptation, so we can get another post from you or perhaps just reviews on the novels you love.

    This is not goodbye though, because all your words are still alive in every novel you have translated. Here’s to anther journey and I wish you and your family the best of health!

    Sincerely,
    Chewywon

  7. Thank you so much for your hardwork 🤜🤛 I’m in love with your translation for the past few years n was totally enjoy reading it especially beautiful bones, so much detail n things that I discover make me so into the translation n I would say it was the most beautiful novel!! Once again its ok to step back n take your time, readers will always welcome you to comeback 💖

  8. Hello hello hoju! I dont know if I ever commented on your post, but I love each of your translation and follow them. This blog was one of my first cnovel translation that I follow, and I have read so many of your translation here, some I reread almost yearly(beautiful bones), some made a big impact on me and I’d think about the story over and over(black and white). I just want to say, Thank you for all your works, it made us (non chinese speaking) the chance to learn more and know more about them. I do hope that when u look back to this season, you will not be burden nor be sad about it. I wish you and your loved ones a healthy life and good luck❤
    Lastly thank you from the bottom of my heart for introducing Mo Bao Fei Bao to us!

  9. Dear Hoju, thank you so much for your translation and hardwork ~ take care and stay healthy Hoju~

  10. Thank you for all of your translations. This is a site I visit every week for several years now. This is my first time writing a comment and would like to express my appreciation to your work. Wishing you good luck and good health.

  11. Dear Hoju,

    Thank you so much for your generosity. Without translators like you, many wonderful stories written in other languages would be inaccessible to the rest of us. I wish you all the best. Stay safe.

    hinotori

  12. Dear hoju,
    Your great work is one of my happiness in this stressful life. I read your hard works and they made me smile and let the sadness flowed out. Thank you so much for your dedication and letting your work be my friend for 7 years. Wishing you happy and good health!!

  13. Goodness. Even though I saw it coming I am heartbroken. That being said, I completely agree with you. There are other things more important than this job even if you loved it. Your mental health is just so important to guard, so I am glad you are doing so. I will miss your translations of course because they are top notch. I have read other translators (on other websites of course) and it appears that all they try to do is translate to English, without a care for culture and colloquialism detail that you are so amazing at. I would happily pay privately sight unseen your translations if you choose to do them without posting them! Also, is there any possibility for Peanuts to finish this book translation?
    Well God bless you, heal up, enjoy your family and know that you are cherished here.

  14. It’s sad to see you go I really enjoyed your translation . I can’t count how many times I have read beautiful bones. As you have put it so eloquently it’s an ending to beautiful season who leaves have rustled in many people lives . Who may never have the chance in meeting in real life but through the words you have weaved have found joy , friendship and moment of of escapism of there tidious lives.
    I wish you all best and i won’t say goodbye in hopes of this not being a farewell,instead I will say good night.

  15. Dear Hoju,

    You gave so much through these translations. My life is richer because of these peeps into new worlds – all thanks to you! I’ll always remember your translations and meticulous research behind some explanations with gratitude. Wishing you the very best in life! Just a kind request – don’t fade completely – come here once in a blue moon and say Hi to us 🙂

  16. Thank you hoju, i cry reading ur farewell, hope u get well soon from ur anxiety, i hope u do feel we love u, we value u and u are also important to us even u are not continue to translate, u already leaves a mark in my heart and life. Yesus bless you always and forever. Tq for show up in our 2d world.

  17. Dear Hoju,

    Thank you very much for your translation throughout the years. If I have to say, your translation of Stewed Squid with Honey was probably one of the first c-novels I read and that opened up a whole new world for me. As I read the heart wrenching Beautiful Bones and I knew that the works in this site is more than just fun easy going novels full of fluff. I appreciate and cannot thank you enough for the time you took to introduced me to the poetics of Chinese modern novels. Not many translators would do that these days. Your love for these works shone through in your translations and that in turn, made me love these works too. Thank you very much for you hard work throughout these years. I wish you well in the next chapter of your life. Take care of your health and your family. I hope to be able to read your translations again someday.

  18. First off thank you so much for all your hard work and dedications. I’ve stumbled upon your translation of Really Really Miss You maybe 2-3 years back and honestly that was the start of me getting into reading internet translated novels. So I can honestly say that it was your hard work that got me hooked and I was introduced to all these online novels. But hands down your work is the best! Your translation was very smooth and perfect. I also enjoy your little at the end of chapters and how you put great care into explaining things for readers like myself that honestly doesn’t know much about this history or back drop of China. It was great while it lasted….I wish you nothing but the best. God bless 🙏🏼🙏🏼

  19. Dear Hoju,

    As many have already said before me, thank you and we very much appreciate you.

    This is my first time commenting here since I discovered this site back in 2017. Since then, I have been a regular weekly visitor here. Aside from your farewell in the translation scene, one of the reasons why I’m sad is because this is my first time commenting here, but it’s to say my words of late appreciation as well as goodbye to you. This might have been a late appreciation comment, but I still want to let you know.

    You are indeed a superb translator. I don’t know how else to describe you. Your works here show just how much love, time, and effort you invest translating. And it’s really a blessing to those who cannot read Chinese, such as myself.

    I have been a reader of Chinese novels since 2017, and as I have mentioned, it was during this time that I discovered this site. As an Asian myself, and having read mostly Western novels, Chinese novels showed me a whole new different world.

    Reading novels is one my favorite hobbies ever. And to have read these kinds of novels you have so skillfully translated brought so much joy to me. There is just something with the way you translate that makes me appreciate the novel more.

    Though you may have already bid your farewell, please know that I will never not appreciate the books you translated here, or those translated by Peanuts and other guest translators here. I will never forget you and your works. It has been a great experience to be able to read the books you translated.

    And although I very much respect and support your decision, please allow me to still hold on to a little bit of hope that I have that this goodbye is not for good.

    God bless you and your family. Stay safe and healthy always!

    Love lots,
    From a fan in the Philippines ❤️🇵🇭

  20. Wish you the best in the 3D world hoju! I hope you get to spend more time and love with your family and loved ones, and I hope this decision allows you to recover from the constant anxiety and pressure of posting. All the very best to you!

    Thank you so much for your translations — they mean a lot to me. Your translations have always been so incredibly expressive and capture the writing of the original works. Your translation of Beautiful Bones is to date one of my favorites — the language was moving and atmospheric. I love it so much I wrote about it for my college application personal statement. I’ll always be grateful to have read your translations and interacted/built a relationship with you. Thank you for introducing me to how beautiful Chinese novels can be, and to MBFB who has since also become one of my fav authors.

  21. Dear Hoju,

    My selfish heart mourns your decision, but the majority of me understands and is proud of you. I too have left behind a 2D identity because I realized I was neglecting the 3D. It’s a tough choice, but I don’t regret prioritizing my 3D life. I pray that you will find yourself feeling as if a burdened has been lifted.

    Thank you for all the years you have shared with us. If ever you decide to return, we will rejoice. But if you don’t, do not worry. You should not be a slave to our desires. You do not owe us a thing. In fact, we are in your debt. I hope you are able to continue translating in your private life, that it will remain a passion that helps you relax.

    With gratitude,
    A fan from the United States of America

  22. Very saddened to say bye to our beloved translator but also respect your decision and choice….still sad that I won’t be able to read any new MFBF novels.I knew about you through Together Forever. Can’t thank you enough for introducing MFBF and her novels.Besides that I’ve always wanted you to translate MuFuSheng novel which you posted in Sushengbar, seems like my wish will never come true😰 still don’t wanna say farewell,please don’t disappear.See you again whenever you are ready😘

  23. Sending hugs. Because I don’t even know what to say. Thank you for your hard work and am sincerely wishing you well 🤗

  24. Thank you Hoju …you and your translations will be missed immensely. I loved reading the novels you translated as there seemed to be trust that if u are recommending a novel the story would sure be good be it Beautiful bones or Life: Black and white film or My darling ..this used to be only site u get a cosy feeling that u are reading a story with a bunch of friends discussing the plot characters as it progresses. Thank you for all your hard work all these years.

  25. Good bye Hoju. I will miss you greatly.
    The stories that you have translated have been greatly inspirational.
    Take your time to heal and I hope to see you again.

  26. Hoju, thank you for translating MBFB’s novel. You don’t know how much it has helped me during the times I was sad…

    I hope everything goes well for you. Stay healthy to you and your family! ~

  27. Dear Hoju – I’ve read and re-read many of your translations here. This was a difficult post to click “like” on but I just wanted to say thank you for your work. You expressed your joy in literature by doing such clear, concise work and we have all benefited from it. Relax, refresh, recharge and we hope to meet you on the interweb again.

  28. Dear Hoju, thank you so much for translating the novels and I’ve reread almost all of your work. I hope the best for you and your 3D world and am glad that you’ve made the translation works more in the literacy culture rather than just a translation that helped me enjoy reading more as a reader. Although, I was not a fan of reading growing up. Thank you once again and Take care!

  29. Dear Hoju, since you posted this i have been mulling over what to write.. I am a very introverted person, and its very difficult for ne to have conversations with people..I have been dealing with depression and anxiety over the past few years.. It was three years ago when i first stumbled upon this blog, and it has helped me a lot.. I have read your stories multiple times.. Some times once a month i will read some stories.. I am very sad to see you go and I want say thank you for sharing your hard work with us.

    Hope everything goes well for you. Thank you may you always be happy

  30. I loved reading your translations as you really brought life to the stories in English. Your translations were one of the ones that drew me into this world of cnovels several years ago, to be more curious about my family’s culture and to have a glimpse of the world I might have grown up in had my family not immigrated. I wish you the best as you start the next season of your life. 🙂

    Thank you.

  31. Thank you for sharing your joy in these stories and your knowledge and insights.

    I believe in all the good things in the next part of your journey and wish you the best!

  32. Thank you for all your hardwork. I will miss you. Reading your translation was always a pleasure. Good luck 🥰

  33. Thank you so much for all your translations 🥺❤️ I will miss your work greatly. I wish you all the best in your future endeavours ❤️

  34. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much your translations have helped me and inspire me. Thank you, thank you and thank you.

  35. Without any shred of doubt, you are the best translator I have come across ever since i started reading cnovels. And not only because of the translation itself but also the dedication and heart you gave to your craft for all these years.
    Immeasurable gratitude and applause to you for all your hard work and the passion you gave for us readers. Your works have become a sort of treat of retreat from otherwise stressful days. Thank you and bless you thousandth times hoju. May all happiness finds you and you your wishes.

  36. Oh no! I’ve been following your stories for a couple of years now and treasure what you have done so much that I often come back to reread them. Let me honestly tell you that they have opened my eyes to a lot of culture that I would otherwise never have picked up on. Thank you for everything you have translated.

  37. Dear Hoju,

    I started really reading translated cnovels because of this site. Thank you for all your translations and hard work.

    The translation work you have done here is something I come back to everytime I feel like the 3D world is too much. It is my escape from the 3D world.

    Wishing that you find happiness in the 3D world. Thank you for sharing your works with us and I sincerely wish you all the best and hope you to see you again in the 2D. 💗

  38. Wow this was a bit of a shocker for me! I just suddenly remembered this translation site, came to check, and this is what I find!
    I am very sorry to hear what had happened. Frankly, some people in this world don’t deserve the amount of care and dedication you put in your translations. Thank you so much for all that you have translated for us throughout the years and most especially your lovely, detailed footnotes that allowed me to learn so much.

  39. I was one lucky reader and admirer of your work five years ago when I stumbled on this site. I have enjoyed your translation and thoughtfulness of your choice of words from each of translated works. They brought me joy, tears, and all other emotions. I am thankful and grateful to you for those moments.

    I had “stepped” away due to life matters and I am able to catch this departure. I sincerely hope you and loved ones healthy, peace of mind and happiness whatever you do. I barely got to know you but I feel that our reader-writer acquaintance will last forever.

    Thank YOU for your hard work, dedication and passionate love for translation.

    Forever fan of yours,

    “toohearts”

  40. Dear Hoju,

    I have not been on this site for a while and was saddened to see your post. As an American of Chinese descent, I sincerely thank you for introducing me to the C-novel world and especially Mo Bao Fei Bao’s Beautiful Bones story. The stories that you and your partners provided on this site began my journey into reading C-novels on my own and have brought me endless delight and enjoyment.

    Best to you!

  41. Hoju, thank you for all the work you have done with the translations you have done. I have enjoyed reading the stories.
    All the best for your future endeavours.

  42. Hoju. Thank you very much for your dedication over these years. I am very sorry to hear that.. Even I don’t always comments, but i always read you works.

    It is hard for me, and it is also absolutely hard decision for you…

    Thank you, i hope you can focus with the love that you received, and overcome the struggle that have you been suffered. Hiks.

    This is sad, but every meeting will meet the farewell, right? Hiks.

    Hoju, i hope you always be happy!!!

  43. Thank you Hoju for been an amazing translator, you proven to me that whatever one decides to do, the best should be put into it….I have been reading fanatical post since 2015 first as a silent reader then gradually began to comment

    You have given me opportunity to read a lot of chinese stories which I will never be able to read on my own because I am a Nigerian but you broke the barrier of language by putting in all effort to translate the wonderful novels you picked

    I wish you all the best in life and health….I pray that you will live in a good life

    I will Miss you greatly but I will always keep praying for you

    Love you dearie 🥰

  44. Hi,
    I am a long time fan reader from this blog. I first started to read novel on this blog right about 6 years ago…
    I would like to tell you thank you for your hard work and all the time you spent here on this blog to translate and to share with us so many amazing stories. I’ve reading again and again those stories from MBFB because I really loved the stories and also the translations. The fact that you could bring out so many differents emotions with your translation makes me respect you. No matter what you do and where you are, I hope you’ll be blessed and healthy.

    As your translation will stay forever in our memories. Those stories will also stay forever in our hearts.

  45. Hi Hoju,
    Thank you for all the hard work you’ve put into translating 💖
    I’ve been reading translations on this site for so long that I didn’t even realize it’s been 6 years. Although I’m a silent reader, I really appreciate everything you’ve done. 🥰
    You’ll definitely be missed and you mean a great deal to a lot of us. Take care and I wish you luck, health, and all the best! 😇💕

  46. I saw your post. My heart aches. I hope that these people who plagarize will come to no good end!
    I want to say many thanks for your lovely translation as I am monolingual and really appreciate your beautiful translations ❤️

  47. I am not one to leave a review but I just want to tell you that it has been an honor reading your translations. I love how you weave your words and that they make the characters even more memorable. I hope you success in your future endeavors and never forget that we are here for you! Thank you for the ride all these years.

  48. Thank you for your dedication. Stumbling upon RRMY here introduced me to the world of cnovels and subsequently the dramas they inspired. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve reread some of the novels you, Peanuts, and Lidge have translated.

    I truly appreciate the eloquence and clarity of your translations (Your footnotes are the best). Me becoming a fan of MBFB is because of you. You delivered the story and emotions beautifully thru your translations. THANK YOU.

    Thank you so much Hoju and I wish your future endevours to be successful. You are an inspiration. All the best to you and your family with love and happiness.

  49. Dear Hoju,

    Thank you for sharing with us your thoughts and your translations throughout the years. You are one of the best translators I’ve had the honor to read! Your words really transported me into another world and I always look forward to the next complete project (since I prefer to binge read). Thanks to you I have a become a big fan of Mo Bao Fei Bao and many other Chinese novels. I can’t imagine how hard it is to close such a big chapter in your life, and I wish you all the best of God’s blessings. Thank you for all that you’ve done! I hope you’ll be able to do what brings you joy, whether to translate just for yourself, or to engage in other wonderful adventures in your 3D world. In my life I am glad to have known a wonderful novel translator name Hoju.

    Take care!

  50. I wish you nothing but happiness, Hoju.

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