You Are Still Here (原来你还在这里) – Chapter 42

September 3, 2014 by yingniang 12 Comments

As we barrel towards our conclusion, our leads have more than a conversation. But will it be part two of happy moments or a foreboding of the end?

Chapter 42

“But if you don’t let go … the eggs will be burnt. Aren’t you hungry?”

“Of course I am. But it’s not eggs that I’m hungry for …”  His lips were roaming all over her ear.

“Don’t.” She turned her face away.

Cheng Zheng mumbled confused “Why not? Do you … still not want me?”

Yun Jin turned off the stove before turning to face him. “If I said I didn’t, I would be lying. I’m only human. But honestly Cheng Zheng, if all you want is a night of passion, that I can give you. If we could bridge our differences, we wouldn’t have come to this.”

“I’m not some lecherous person. I’m only like this because it’s you. Why don’t you understand?” Cheng Zheng furrowed his brow.

Yun Jin smiled “Don’t forget, it’s been four years. We are no longer the same people we once were. At the very least, there’s also Zheng Xiao Tong.”

Cheng Zheng grew quiet. Just as Yun Jin thought he would never reply, he said “Yun Jin. I’m also only human. There will come a day when I’m tired too. All along, I thought I would never be able to hold you like this again. Xiao Tong … she has been a faithful companion.”

“All the more reason why you shouldn’t be like this isn’t it?”

“Maybe you won’t believe the sort of person Xiao Tong is. Many people think she’s naive. True, she is very innocent and is truly kind. That day, she found me and told me she met you at the temple. Only then did I discover she knew who you were all along. Even then, she encouraged me to go after you. Can you believe this Su Yun Jin? A person as selfish, difficult, cold-hearted and stubborn as you, can you accept that such kind people exist? … As compared to you, she is an angel.”

When  he saw that he had successfully elicited a downcast expression from Yun Jin, he laughed at the absurdity of it all “But I just can’t seem to love that angel.”

Yun Jin bowed her head silently.

Cheng Zheng gently lifted her chin “Don’t talk to me about guilt. After all, love is never a fair game. I admit I’ve let her down but if I were to continue being with her, I would also be failing her. I hate dragging my feet over such stuff. If one person has to be disappointed, then it has to be her because I simply can’t let you go. Tell me, aren’t we both equally selfish?”

Yun Jin removed his hand from her chin which he then used to envelope her and pull her towards him.

“What else do you have to say? How long more do you want to torture me?”

“Don’t be like this.” Yun Jin struggled to create some distance between them.

“I’ll let go only if you tell me you don’t love me. Say it Su Yun Jin. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me …”

Just as Yun Jin opened her mouth to reply, he lunged forward to kiss her. His lust ignited, he skilfully tore of her clothes before undoing his own. Then, she spotted it. The sight of the unmistakable aquamarine stabbed her in the heart.

“So it’s been with you.”

Cheng Zheng grabbed her hands and placed one on the pendent and the other on his chest “You said you would never lose it! You promised!”

Yun Jin clutched the pendent tightly as she closed her eyes and wept.

The two of them moved from the kitchen to the bedroom. Cheng Zheng’s every move took her breath away. He had once thought this scene could only be relived in his dreams. Now, his suppressed desires finally had a satisfactory outlet.

“Tell me if you love me or not. Say it! Say it … I want you to tell me personally …”

Eventually he sighed “Actually you do love me …”

After that bout of passion, the two of them cuddled quietly. When their perspiration had dried off, Yun Jin asked “Cheng Zheng, are you asleep? Can we talk?”

“Yeah?” Cheng Zheng answered blearily.

The two of them had known each other for eleven years now and they had spent three of those years as a couple. They were each other’s firsts but they never once had a serious discussion about the future nor asked what the other really wanted.

“When the child was two months old, I suddenly experienced intense pain. Actually, even before my massive bleeding, I already feared losing it. It was the final thing on earth that linked you to me; I couldn’t lose it. As long as it was okay, I would even give my life … But I couldn’t protect it in the end. The surgery had a complication. Later on the doctor told me I would never have children again. As I lay in the hospital, I was consumed with hatred for you … because I didn’t know who else I should blame. I needed a stronger emotion to cover up my despair. So I swore, I would never wait for you. I would forget you. But, when I saw you again, I started to forget my promise. Don’t you see, my punishment has come. Every important person in my life, I couldn’t keep any one of them.”

Cheng Zheng raised his head to look at her “What rubbish! If I was the one who caused you to turn back on your promise then shouldn’t the punishment fall on me? You say you can’t keep anyone by your side … Well I will never leave you unless I’m dead.”

Yun Jin burst into laughter “You’re still as nonsensical as ever. Cheng Zheng, I’m an exceptionally terrible person. I thought I knew what I wanted but I keep finding that I was wrong.”

“No one said we couldn’t turn back the time. Yun Jin, let’s start over.”

“Start over?” Yun Jin appeared lost in thought “Four years ago, we loved each other so deeply yet what was the result? What more now …”

“But back then, you didn’t make me feel secure. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I was always chasing and you were always fleeing. I was too anxious and you were too sensitive … I never knew how to treat you.” He flipped over and looked her straight in the eye “I’m a simple-minded person; my love needs a guarantee.”

Yun Jin reached out to the pendent dangling around his neck “It’s not worth it. I’m nowhere near perfect.”

Cheng Zheng studied her in an exaggerated manner “How are you not perfect? I think you have everything a woman should have.”

When he saw that she wasn’t laughing, he sensed that his joke wasn’t very funny.

“If we are destined not to have children, then let us keep each other company for eternity.”

He buried his face in her chest as he continued to speak “Take me as your child and love only me …”

Cheng Zheng fell into a deep sleep from the fatigue. Suddenly, he sensed someone pinching his face and he yelped. His instincts told him it was Yun Jin and he flipped over to hug her as he drawled “If you continue pinching, I’ll bite.”

His hand landed on air before a searing pain shot through his ear. He heard a voice reminiscent of his mother “You horrible child. It wasn’t easy to arrange to come home. What are you dreaming of in the bright early morning? How dare you threaten to bite your mother.”

Cheng Zheng shot up and saw Zhang Jin Yin arching her brows as her hand continued to grip his ear firmly. Yun Jin was no longer there. He swatted her hand away before pulling the blanket over himself. He turned a bright beetroot as he whined “How can you enter without knocking?”

Zhang Jin Yin scoffed “The door could be broken down and you wouldn’t even know it. Still trying to hide? What have I not seen before? Tell me, what are you doing sleeping in the buff in the day?”

At this, Cheng Zheng’s worries dissipated; it appeared that his mother hadn’t seen Yun Jin. He was nonchalant about being caught in the act but he knew Yun Jin would have died from embarrassment.

“I was feeling hot. Why, can’t I have the freedom to do so?” Without any remnant fear, he snapped cheekily at his mother.

Zhang Jin Yin smirked as she left his room “It’s in the dead of winter. Even if you’re feeling warm, you shouldn’t sleep naked.”

Cheng Zheng glanced at the clock as he dressed hurriedly. He had been asleep for approximately three hours.

Where is she? Why did she leave without saying goodbye?

As he was buttoning, he felt something amiss. He looked down; the aquamarine pendent that had accompanied him the past four years was gone.