Wipe Clean After Eating (吃干抹净): Chapter 39

May 28, 2015 by peanuts 29 Comments

Firstly, a big thank you to bongsd for doing the cover picture. Do leave a comment to praise her and ask her to do more so that I’ll have more time to translate lol.

Another hilarious chapter translated brilliantly by foodie. Would anyone want a mother-in-law like Mama Lu even though her son is the handsome and outstanding Lu Jun 😛 ?

Chapter 39 Marriage Proposal (translated by foodie)

At this moment, I develop a sincere and deep admiration for the two Lu brothers. You can imagine them growing up under this particular environment, with such a unique and extraordinary mom.

“Ahem.. ahem.” Papa Lu clears his throat and coughs twice, breaking the silence. He admonishes Mama Lu, “Oh yes, Jun brought his girlfriend home for the first time today. As his mom, shouldn’t you do something?” He glances towards the kitchen. His head is signalling Mama Lu to cook.

As soon as Mama Lu hears these words, she stands up and turns around and asks, “Oh yes. Take a look at the dress I’m wearing today. Does it look nice? I know my darling son is bringing his girlfriend home today. I spent half an hour just to pick out this outfit.”

I am rather speechless as I stare at Mama Lu’s dress that is adorned with large red peonies. But the Lu brothers speak up in near unison, “Look great. Mom, you look young and beautiful today.”

At this time, Lu Jun who has been sitting next to me is tugging at my sleeve, quietly trying to signal me. I quickly nod and say, “Yes, yes. Auntie looks very young and very beautiful in this dress.”

Mama Lu’s eyes widen with joy as she hears this. Her whole face reflects her high spirits. Papa Lu, the only person who disagrees with this, shakes his head. His face looks serious as he says,”Although this dress looks good, this is not your most beautiful outfit. Mama Lu, I think you should go put on your most beautiful outfit.”

“Oh! Really? Which one?” Mama Lu asks.

“The apron!” Papa Lu replies flatly. He holds Mama Lu’s hand and speaks in a coaxing tone. “Didn’t the kids visit the zoo today? After having been out all day they must be hungry. Shouldn’t we prepare a meal?”

“You said the apron is my prettiest outfit. I rather agree.” Mama Lu nods in agreement,”But ladies often cannot bear to wear their most beautiful outfit. So Papa Lu, why don’t you cook today!”

Papa Lu: “….”

Seeing Papa Lu is being forced to put on an apron to cook makes me wipe my quiet tears of sympathy. I tug Lu Jun’s sleeve and ask, “General Manager. Is it usually like this at home? I feel as if uncle’s position in this household is rather low.”

“It is not usually like this.” Lu Jun tilts his head slightly as he whispers into my ear.

That’s pretty good. My sympathetic heart calms down a bit as Lu Jun continues,”Usually my dad’s position at home is not low, but he has none at all. Today, since we are having you as our guest, he has the right to speak.”

I: “….”

This is called having the right to speak? Mama Lu ignores his words. This is no better than not speaking. Poor Papa Lu!

“What are you two muttering over there?” Mama Lu suddenly asks. I sit up straight and wave my hand, “Nothing. Nothing. We are just having a casual chat.”

Mama Lu wears an expression of someone who is very experienced. “Young lovers can be rather clingy. Why is it so urgent to chat so much now? After you get married, you have nothing but opportunities to chat.” She speaks kindly, “Xiao Xia. (Little Xia) Come sit next to me. I haven’t chatted with anyone in a long time. Let us chat a while.”

I nod and move towards her. I see both the Lu brothers look at me in sympathy. I am bewildered. It is only a chat. What is the big deal?

As I sit down next to Mama Lu, she suddenly waves excitedly to the two brothers and says “Oh yes. You two have nothing to do anyway. Come have a chat with me.”

As soon as these words were spoken, the two brothers stand up in unison and say “Mom, we will help dad wash the veggies.”

I cannot help wondering, how come both of them have become so helpful? Even offered to help with house chores!

“Go ahead. Go ahead.” Mama Lu waves her hand. The two brothers stand up to walk towards the kitchen. Lu Jun gives me one last look as if to say “I take my leave now. You take care.”

Now there are only two of us left in the living room. Mama Lu speaks in an easy-going and relaxed tone,” Okay,  Xiao Xia. Let’s start chatting.”

I nod in agreement,” Yes, auntie.”

She looks at me in excitement. I do not comprehend it, so I just look at her in the midst of the boundless silence.

After a short moment, her excitement subsides and she suddenly looks hurt when she says, “What happened? How come you are quiet, child? You mind my advanced age and are unwilling to chat with me?”

“No. No.” I scramble a bit. I struggle to find a topic quickly and say, “Oh yes, auntie. Where did you get this dress? Both the style and the color are very pretty.”

As I ask, my brain is filled with potential topics about the dress. She appears delighted as she hears this and cheerfully replies,”I went to the market with Mrs Wang next door. There was a seafood stall that had big and fresh crabs. They must be particularly great for braising. I feel ravenous just thinking about it.”

“….” I am rather speechless while we are in a silence. I follow her lead and change the subject. “Oh, auntie. Do you like crabs a lot?”

Mama Lu says ,”I was in Hawaii last month. You might not know. The scenery there was beautiful and spectacular. It was really fun! If you have the chance, you must go!”

“….” I swallow down my internal trauma. I put on my delighted look and say, “Yes. I will definitely go if I have a chance. Who did you go to Hawaii with?”

Mama Lu suddenly shakes her head regretfully. “Ah, such a pity. I forgot to watch the finale of that TV drama series. I don’t know if that pair of mandarin ducks (meaning pitiful lovers) end up together at the end.”

“….” I feel dizzy. My vision blurs. I try to look curious and concerned,”Is that right? What is the name of this series?”

Mama Lu thinks for a while and then say, “I think it is called ‘Muslim’s funeral’. You don’t know this. But I feel so touched and moved upon watching it.”

I am getting excited at this instant. At least this time the conversation topic didn’t jump very far. Auntie Lu has finally answered my question. Just as I am feeling better I hear Lu Mama says,”It is too bad. I don’t remember where I put this book. I spent quite a while looking for it a few days ago but I still couldn’t find it.”

I: “…..”

Good heavens! You might as well strike me with lightning and kill me now!

By now Mama Lu and I have chatted for over an hour. Her line of thoughts skips around and I skip along with her. Towards the end, I feel as if I were about to turn into a nut.

When Papa Lu brings the dishes out to announce that we can start our meal, I can finally get away. Although I’m not exactly starving at this moment. But as I see plates and plates of food, I crave food rather urgently!

I ate as fast as I could. Upon the conclusion of our meal, Lu Jun sends me home as ordered. I slump in my seat in exhaustion. Lu Jun actually looks rather animated. As he skillfully works with the steering wheel, he speaks to me, “Our mom spoke to me in private just now. She is very satisfied with you as a future daughter-in-law. She also said that the two of you have a lot of things to talk about.”

I put on my “I have suffered for centuries” face, “General Manager, please spare me. When Her Highness Mom spoke to me, it was just like playing the piano for a cow.”

He frowns with an ambiguous smile, “You don’t seem like a cow. At most a pig.”

I am much too enervated to look at him, “Don’t joke with me. I’m serious with you, General Manager, your mom is too formidable. I’m no match for her!”

He suddenly interjects, “Our mom.”

I: “Aaaaahhh?”

Lu Jun: “Not ‘my’ mom. It’s ‘our’ mom.”

I: “…..”

The car stops at my neighborhood gate. Lu Jun leans his body slightly. He stares at me solemnly as he says, “Xia Ye, I have something to say to you.”

My head is filled with nothing but confusion at this point. I get off the car as if I were fleeing, “General Manager, I am very tired today. If you have something to say, let’s talk tomorrow!”

I hurry towards home. When I get home, I see mom is snacking on melon seeds. I rush towards her and hug her tightly with deep emotion. “Mom, I have been wrong. I used to think that you are eccentric. Now it has dawned on me, you are actually relatively normal!”

Mom taps my head with her melon-specked hand, “Darn girl. What are you talking about! When is your mom ever not normal?”

I hold her tightly with heartfelt emotion and say loudly, “Mom, I love you!”

First she looks confused, then she looks as if she remembered something. Now she looks as if she has seen through me. She clutches on to the melon seed plastic bag tightly. “Stop yelling. Even if you yell until your throat swells, I still won’t share this with you. There is only this little bit left. There isn’t even enough for me!”

I: “…..”

I return to my room with physical and mental exhaustion and lie in bed. Suddenly the cell phone rings. I answer the phone while lying in bed with my eyes closed, “Hello. Who is this?”

Lu Jun’s clear voice comes through. He sounds direct and decisive, “Xia Ye, let’s get married next month!”

I am reminded of the scary mother-in-law, Mama Lu. My head feels heavy. I don’t want to enter into a marriage so early. At least give myself half a year’s time to make some mental preparations. It’s still not too late to get married then. So I decided to pretend that I didn’t hear, “Hello? Hello? Who is this? Who is speaking?”

He replies lightly, “It is I.”

I: “Hello? Say something. How come it is quiet?”

Lu Jun: “How come? Are you not hearing anything? How can you not hear me?”

I: “Yes! I cannot hear anything. The phone must be broken.”

Lu Jun: “Xia Ye, you are so mean.”

I: “….. == “